Please Let Ryan Howard Drink In PeaceS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

I guess that's Ryan Howard getting his pucker-face on, supposedly at some bar in Indiana, where one of our intrepid stalkers whipped out his phone and snapped the Phillies' first baseman off-seasoning. No word on whether RyHo took that woman's arm home that evening. The dude in the back looks like he's ready to boot at any moment. No word on that either. Let's get to a morning round-up

• Mark Ingram, the Crimson Tide's shifty running back, walks away with the Heisman Trophy barely beating White Lightnin' Toby Gerhart from Stanford. Ingram is the first Alabamian to ever win the prestigious award, something that can never, ever be taken away from him. Unless of course he kills his wife and a waiter. /Norm'd. [NYT]

• Should you be involved in some sort of vertebrae-detaching accident at some point in your life and lose the ability to move your arms and legs, you will still be able to hunt. This is a pretty amazing story. Why can't we do more things with breathing tubes? Garage door openers, garbage disposals, dimmers — the possibilities are endless. [Last Angry Fan]

• Jason Bay's days as a Red Sock are numbered. 4 years, $60 mil? Bay scoffs at your stinginess, John Henry. [ESPN]

• Turner Gill finally gets a shot at the big time at the University of Kansas. I hope Mrs. Lubbers doesn't get the bright idea to put shoe polish on Baby Mangino. That would be bad. [Kansas.com]

• Text from friend at La Salle/Kansas game: "We up 17-16!" That is all. [Philly.com]

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Good morning. It's Sunday. Sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Hannukah.