Last Night's Winner: Pointless TraditionS

In sports, every one is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Utah Utes, who have won nine consecutive bowl games....every single one of them completely meaningless. We must preserve this hallowed system.

Yes, we're all very thrilled for the Utes, who have now tied the second-longest bowl winning streak of all time, but had they never played a bowl game ever, would our lives (or theirs?) be any different? They have two undefeated seasons this decade and not a lot to show for that. In fact, the only Utah bowl that ever left a mark on anyone was the 2005 Fiesta Bowl because it allowed Urban Meyer to leave Utah and go to a school that's allowed to play real games. At least the team that went to the 1947 Pineapple Bowl got to a free trip to Hawaii.

Other than inflicting Alex Smith on the NFL, what else is there? But no, by all means, let's keeping playing these tranquilizer pill games. It's way more fun than a playoff and now I'm totally rested up for my family gathering tonight. Definitely want to be alert for that!

Honorable Mention: No one. It was the night before the day before Christmas. Nothing else happened anywhere.