Just like last year, we're counting showcasing the people, ideas and memes that made Deadspin 2009 shine. Today: Rick Reilly®.
The man who once said his "No. 1 goal in writing is to never write a sentence you've already read" wrote many, many sentences you've already read — especially about tongue-bathing, juice-squirting and heat.
Reilly also wrote whole columns you may have already read. Sometimes, he just cribbed from his colleagues. Mostly, though, he just repurposed his own work. Everyone thought this was very bad, except for ESPN and the ever-useless Don Ohlmeyer, who responded by giving Reilly a tongue-bath.
Reilly's writing, when it wasn't plagiarized, merely sucked. (Remember when it didn't?) It sucked when he wrote about Larry Fitzgerald's dad. It sucked when he wrote about Lance Armstrong's ass. It sucked when he wrote about sportsmanship. It sucked when he wrote about Rick Neuheisel. It sucked when he wrote about the Broncos. It sucked when he wrote about a pizza delivery guy.
You know what didn't suck? The short-lived Rick Rielly Twitter: "Eight-time World Boomerang Association champion Keith Murdock is always quick with a comeback!" Reilly responded by proving himself to be beyond satire.
In a column, he deemed Colt McCoy's girlfriend, Rachel Glandorf, "hotter than shrimp vindaloo," and the hornballs and curry enthusiasts among his readership began furiously Googling the poor woman.
Having transmogrified his writing into a line of sports-themed Precious Moments figurines, Reilly set out to ruin a new medium. On television, he made an ass of himself over and over and over and over again.
He annoyed you on TV. He annoyed you on a Podcast. He annoyed you on the web. He annoyed you from the pages of a magazine. And soon enough, he'll annoy you from the depths of your bookstore's remainder bin. Oh, that cover? Outside magazine did the same thing 20 years ago. Yeah, Reilly ripped that off, too.