Your NFL Coaching Carousel UpdateS

In these trying times, it's hard to know who is actually in charge of your awful NFL team. We'll do our best to keep you informed of these frequently changing and occasionally riveting announcements.

Here is a list of teams "in transition" with their current head coach and his chances for survival:

Cleveland: Eric Mangini. At this moment, is begging his new boss for another chance. Outlook not good.
Chicago: Lovie Smith. Improbably, he will return next year. (Bears ownership is nothing if not cheap.) However, Ron Turner is out as offensive coordinator and Rod Marinelli will take over the defense.
Tampa Bay: Raheem Morris Safe. Granted another year, which is only fair because he just got his driver's license in the mail.
Carolina: John Fox. Also looks to be safe. His star is hitched firmly to Jake Delhomme and that $12 million contract ain't going nowhere.
Buffalo: Absolutely no one. The Bills are completely coachless. Every assistant, including interim chief Perry Fewell, were canned. Met secretly with Bill Cowher, who shows little interest in living farther north than Pittsburgh. Considering a call to Scotty Bowman.
Oakland: Tom Cable. Still employed, but on very thin ice. Perhaps a shiny coin would distract Al Davis long enough for him to forget who works for him.
Jacksonville: Jack Del Rio. What would be the point? The Jaguars will fire their city before they fire their coach.
Washington: Mike Shanahan Not officially, but Dan Snyder is driving very hard to that hoop. Mike has summoned his agent to begin negotiations and Shanny's son, Kyle, has already stated his intention to drop his o-coordinator job at Texas to join his Dad in D.C. Who says he wants to hire you, boy?