Need to make your woman realize you're not as successful or talented as Colt McCoy? Or that your proposal was inferior by comparison, her ring a dingleberry on the ass of Rachel Glandorf's? You've come to the right place.

Today In The Deadspin Society Pages: The McCoy-Glandorf Engagement

We'll let Rachel tell this one: "I had always asked Colt to take me on the field when no one else was around and he always had excuses and said no. It was his last night in Austin, so when he told me he had to run up there to pick something up, I begged him to take me on the field."

Today In The Deadspin Society Pages: The McCoy-Glandorf Engagement

"We got out there and the Jumbotron was lit with a Longhorn but I just thought it was lit for something else going on. Finally, when we got to the 50-yard line and he was hugging me (and really shaking!!), he said we should go since it was so cold. Then I turned around to see the Jumbotron."

Today In The Deadspin Society Pages: The McCoy-Glandorf Engagement

Scoreboard proposals: only acceptable if you're actually an athlete.

Today In The Deadspin Society Pages: The McCoy-Glandorf Engagement

Fucking gag me with a spoon.

Today In The Deadspin Society Pages: The McCoy-Glandorf Engagement

Rachel says he designed it himself. Of course he did.

Today In The Deadspin Society Pages: The McCoy-Glandorf Engagement

Standard post-proposal ritual: showing the ring off to your friends. OMIGOD!

Today In The Deadspin Society Pages: The McCoy-Glandorf Engagement

Aw, he asked her parents for her hand first. Lovely.

Today In The Deadspin Society Pages: The McCoy-Glandorf Engagement

Left: shit-eating grin. Right: just-hooked-herself-a-millionaire grin. Seriously, congrats to the happy couple, from this site full of bitter loners.