Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Clemson tried everything they could to take out North Carolina — even ramming their team bus with a car in the parking lot. It must have worked, because they never trailed in a 19-point win; the worst loss of the Roy Williams era.
•Nash had 20 and 9, despite an elbow from Earl Watson that required seven stitches. The Suns still fell to Indiana, but watch out Western Conference: Nash now has a taste for human blood.
•The brilliant mind behind those "Unfaithful" Tiger Woods Gatorade bottles? Not so brilliant. The self-proclaimed artist left an email address in the small print on the labels, which was easily tracked to him. He's been arrested and charged with a felony.
•Oh goody, the Mets have started 2010 the same way they ended 2009. Carlos Beltran will be out until May after arthroscopic surgery on that same balky knee, and the team is pissed he had the work done without letting them know first. The annual Mets collapse is being pushed back earlier and earlier every year. Could this be the rare "Blue Moon" with two meltdowns in one season?
•Low budget commercials featuring athletes: never not funny. Today's contestant is Orlando Hernandez, for Airless Water Valves. These are apparently something you need to buy, and El Duque's the man to sell them to you.
Good morning. Nice to see Lane Kiffin's L.A. press conference went smoother than his Knoxville one. Did you ever think you'd see Los Angeles and "less rioting" in the same sentence?