Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Did Leni Riefenstahl shoot the swimsuit issue this year? South Africa's Genevieve Morton poses with a WWII-era fighter plane, and you know what that means: swastikas! But then, bikini models have always been like Germany: ambitious and misunderstood.
•Frank Thomas calls it quits, a year removed from being a major league hitter. Meanwhile Jason Giambi is set to report to spring training for the Rockies, a year removed from being a major league hitter.
•It'll be Rachel Alexandra vs. Zenyatta on April 9, to crown the Queen of ladyhorses. But don't count out Sarah Jessica Parker just yet!
•In a conference finals rematch, Cleveland topped Orlando with their franchise record-tying 13th straight win. A Lakers-Cavs finals with LeBron/Kobe and Shaq/Kobe storylines would be every fan's dream...so expect Raptors-Jazz.
•In a report from the Department of Obviousness, Binghamton's attempt to build a competitive basketball team resulted in numerous violations in recruiting, academics, and assorted criminal behaviors. So, mission successful if they wanted to build a real D1 program.
It's Friday! Citius, Altius, Fortius! Or at least take your coffee black.