Last Night's Winner: Whatever Passes For Roy Williams's Conscience

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the little man on Roy Williams's shoulder, who prevailed upon the coach to say he's very, very sorry.

Williams, you'll remember, said some things the other day that suggested he couldn't differentiate between a four-point loss in Blacksburg and a magnitude 7.0 earthquake in Haiti. Last night, he issued a statement:

On February 1st at my weekly radio show I made a comment about a colleague telling me that Haiti was a catastrophe and we were just having a difficult season. I said that does put basketball in perspective. However, Tuesday, at a press conference, I referenced her comment again but I neglected to say that it puts basketball in perspective. In no way am I equating the tragedy in Haiti with basketball. I'm sorry that my statement at the press conference made it seem like I was comparing the two. The people of Haiti are suffering through unimaginably difficult times. I know very well that we are just playing a game.

Here, for the record, is what he said in that Feb. 1 radio show:

The young lady that's our massage therapist, she had the best line ... because that was ... I saw her before the North Carolina State game, and she said, "Coach, you may not believe this, or may not feel it all the time, but, what they have in Haiti is a catastrophe. What you have is a disappointment." And, it's true. It's something ... I said, well right now in my mind and my body, it feels like a catastrophe, but it is. What those people are having to go through is just unbelievable and it does put what we're going through in a different light, but it doesn't make it any easier though Woody, but it does make us understand what we're facing.

(Who is this massage therapist, anyway? Thelma Ritter?)

I suppose a coach who points at Haiti so he can feel better about his two victories in the ACC is "putting things in perspective." He still sounds like a dick, though.

Honorable mention goes to the snarling prigs of the NCAA's Football Rules Committee, who proposed some smart things regarding concussions and some toweringly stupid ones to address the scourge of players taunting on their way to a touchdown. The committee apparently thinks this is a real problem. It recommends that a penalty be assessed from the spot of the foul, which would erase the touchdown. The AP notes that the proposal received "near-unanimous support." These men are in dire need of a blowjob.

And nice going Chris Chelios, who may just wriggle out of that DUI yet. His lawyer seems to have successfully argued that Chelios's wobbling during his sobriety test were attributable to his 10 knee surgeries. This establishes a precedent that will mean no former hockey player ever gets a DUI conviction again.