"Paris Hilton Was Taking It From Behind From Some Rock Star..."S

Here are some fun recollections from one former MTV producer who worked on several of the network's debauchery-filled Spring Break broadcasts in the early 2000's. He wishes to remain anonymous.

The format for this interview was ripped off from Esquire's "What I've Learned" series. Sorry.

I remember once producing a show. This was maybe six years ago It was one of those couples shows where we picked a Spring Break king and queen. You do the casting ahead of time — you're not out scouting drunk kids while you're down there. So we're casting, and these girls come up. They're twins, and they're dressed like absolute hookers. Young hookers. We're like, what exactly is going on here. I ask how old they are. They're like 16 or 17. "You have to be 18," I say, "or a parent has to sign a permission slip." Sure enough, their mom was right there, willing to sign. She wanted to pimp her daughters on MTV Spring Break. So we cast them as ring girls.

I'm not sure, but it's possible those are the twins Hugh Hefner's dating now. The timing could be right.

Most of the casting was done on college campuses. We'd send out e-mails saying, "Hey, interested in going here on Spring Break?" Word would get around campus that MTV is in Cancun on wherever. You'd hear rumors that dudes would try to get their steroid cycles right to make sure their bodies were in peak condition.

Paris Hilton did a show once. She was really, really gracious. Her phone rang a lot. Sometimes she'd hand it to me. "Here, answer this." No, Paris, I will not answer your phone.

She had, like, a bodyguard with her, and while she was on stage during commercial break, she'd just point out guys to the bodyguard to invite back to the VIP section of the club: "Tell him. Tell him. Tell him." I've seen dudes do that all the time, but I've never seen a woman do that.

I wasn't there, but this is maybe the most famous MTV Spring Break story ever. Paris Hilton, again. One day, a wardrobe woman went back to one of the temporary tents that are set up around the stage. Paris Hilton was there, and she was on her hands and knees, taking it from behind from some rock star. I can't remember who. It was one of those late-'90s bands with one name and a bunch of bad goatees. Like, Fuel or something. Anyway, this woman walks in, and Paris raises her hand and says, "Busy."

The thing is, once you're done working, you're on your own Spring Break. You rarely mix it up with the kids. In Cancun once, there was a huge staff party, and we're all out having a really good time. This dude — he was probably pretty drunk — says to us, "Hey, watch this." And he runs out into the street and runs over a cab, from the hood, to the windshield, to the roof, and back down. He just runs over it. Next thing you know, the cops are chasing this dude down, and they draw machine guns on him. He's like, "Oh, fuck, I was just fucking around." The cabdriver's going nuts. All around, people are watching this, and they see this dude in his 20s, with all these machine guns on him, and they're like, What the hell happened? The guy gets arrested and thrown in a holding cell or something. Eventually, he goes to a judge. The way it works in Cancun is, you pay off the cabdriver a little bit, the police a little bit, and the judge a little bit. So the judge asks him how much money he has. He sorta makes up a story. Yeah, I only have so much. He pays 420 pesos, gets out. Judge gets his share, the cops get their share, and the cabdriver gets his share and drives the dude back to the hotel.

When you work at MTV, you find yourself in a lot of situations where you're scratching your head and thinking, Where the heck am I? , and you're in the back of a station wagon with the members of Tesla or something. Just weird, surreal experiences. One time in Miami, a friend and I were staying at a hotel, a really nice hotel, way too fancy for us. We're two kids in our mid-20s at that point, and we're thinking, What the hell are two kids like us doing here? We're in the hotel, and the elevator door opens up, and it's Pauly Shore. This was after his heyday. I don't even know why he was there, but he's such MTV family. There's always a soft spot in MTV's heart for Pauly. Anyway, Pauly gets out and asks us where the spa is. We're headed to the pool, so we tell him it's probably on that floor.

So my friend and I swim a little and we get into the hot tub. We're sitting there, minding our own business, and next thing you know, Pauly Shore shows up in a towel and says, "Mind if I join you guys?" At this point, nothing will surprise us. He gets in, and now it's the three of us. Pauly reaches down under the water and pulls out the towel and throws it next to the hot tub. "Yeah, man," he explains, "the airline lost my luggage. I'm not gonna have any of my clothes until tomorrow." And we're sitting there, and it's starting to click in our heads that, fuck, we're in a hot tub with a naked Pauly Shore right now. So, yeah, that's a good chevron on my sleeve.

You go to some of those places in Cancun, and you'd see those Girls Gone Wild cameras, and people on Spring Break flock to those things like moths to a flame. It's nuts. One time, I was at a bar when a Girls Gone Wild camera showed up. People were running toward it. "Omigod, lemme get my friend." What the hell? I hope I never have a daughter.

I went to a strip club once with Andy Milonakis. This was before he was really famous. People were looking at him, like, Why is there an 11-year-old in a strip club? He just sat there, smoking a cigarette.

My best Spring Break advice? A man should never wear a tank top on the flight home. It's tacky.