Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Ubaldo Jimenez goes a full game without giving up a hit, which, I don't know if you knew, is a pretty big deal. It's the first no-hitter in Rockies' history and, I think — I've got Elias crawling through the archives to confirm — the first no-no by someone named Ubaldo.
•The Mets led the Cardinals 2-1 in the 20th inning. I'd love to give you a final score, but here's a little secret: I'm writing this up about 15 minutes before it goes live, so the game's not over yet.
•The Celtics rediscovered their fight in an 85-76 win over Miami. Unfortunately, Kevin Garnett rediscovered his fight as well. A scrap led to a well-placed elbow to Quentin Richardson's head, and you probably shouldn't expect to see KG until game 3.
•Sergio Martinez wins a couple middleweight belts with a unanimous decision over Kelly Pavlik in Atlantic City. Martinez was giving up a few inches and quite a few years, so this isn't going to make those alcoholism rumors about Pavlik go away.
•Finally, we have Ozzie Guillen in his own words, explaining a questionable pitching decision:
That was the plan no matter what. Because I had Kearns and 'MaTola,' whatever his name is, the first baseman, the fat guy, I don't know what his fucking name is - LaPorta - on the bench and I didn't want them to face Matt."
Oh Ozzie. Never change.
Thanks for joining me again. Let's get moving.