The "Andrei Kirilenko's Yearly Free Pass Watch" Reaches DEFCON-2

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• The Jazz must've been distracted by...something during their Game 2 loss to the Lakers. In the East, the Magic laid some sort of smackdown on the Hawks in a 43-point win.

• The Suns are planning on wearing their half-Spanish jerseys tonight in honor of Cinco De Mayo and in order to pander to demands that the team make a statement regarding the state's passing of bill SB 1070. That sound you hear is Mike Bacsik scoffing and joining a Minutemen group.

• Friend of the site Alex Belth is quite excited, with reason, for Harper's Magazine's recent posting of Bud Shrake's legendary "In the Land of the Permanent Wave."

• Slate's Dave McKenna has a thorough take-down of the whole "Sure, the Skins suck, but Snyder knows how to run a business" idea. Unfortunately, it just provides fodder for the NFC East's three other obnoxious fan bases.

• In other "Fuggin' Redskins News," the organization threatened to fire a cheerleader who was approached to do an on-air reunion with her Marine husband on DC's ABC affiliate. She eventually did have her on-air reunion. On NBC. The network that happens to be the team's broadcasting partner.

• Ernie Harwell, legendary Tigers broadcaster passed away last night just as Verlander was turning things around.

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Good mornin'. It's bagel day, the spreads are gratis.