Last Night's Winner: The Wizards, SomehowS

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Wizards, who, despite long odds, left the annual Secaucus Bingo Night and Bad Suit Competition with the rights to try and not screw up John Wall.

The Wizards — represented by Abe Pollin's widow, pictured here at a screening of The Human Centipede — went into the lottery with a 10.3 percent shot at the first pick; now they get to spend the next few weeks pretending to deliberate between Wall and Evan Turner, while their fans send e-mails like this:

Subject line: Starting lineup

PG: Wall
SG: Arenas
SF: Lebron
PF: Blatche
C: Bryce Harper

Good for Wizards fans, and good for the Wizards themselves, a likable enough franchise (if you ignore both the grumpy interregnum when Michael Jordan inflicted himself on the front office and the team's kowtowing to the "they're all thugs" crowd in the wake of Gilbert Arenas's gun show). Evan Turner is going to make somebody very happy, at least when he's not throwing passes to the popcorn vendor. But it's a point guard's league now, and Wall immediately makes the Wizards very interesting, if not yet good. Let's see: John Wall, whatever's left of Arenas, a capable free agent whose eyes light up at the possibility of playing alongside Wall, JaVale McGee (if the Wizards ever realize he can play), maybe 20 minutes of Shaun Livingston a night. I'd watch that team lose by 10 to Memphis any day of the week.