If there's one thing we learned today, it's this: John Isner and Nicolas Mahut have exactly the same amount of tennis skill. But that still doesn't solve the problem of how to end their ridiculous grudge match.
Whatever their dispute is about, it will clearly never be solved through traditional ball-and-racket channels. Therefore, we must devise an alternative means of declaring a winner. Let's whiteboard some new paradigms:
Steel Cage Match?. Too obvious.
Penalty shoot out? Too European (i.e., "Communist")
Bake Off? Too filling.
Queen Elizabeth Sound A-like Contest? Too awkward.
Spelling bee? Too exciting!
Coin Flip? Too fair.
Activate Multi-Ball? Too ... perfect?
Whatever it is, it better be creative and it better be sorted out by sundown tomorrow, otherwise we'll be here until the next World Cup. My preferred solution: Isner and Mahut will continue the tournament as a doubles team. Not by moving to the men's doubles bracket, but by sharing duties in all future singles matches. Eventually, the two of them will take on Roger Federer simultaneously—but each can only use one arm. Then you'll see some real tennis! The pair will then split the prize money and saw the trophy in half, before being traded to the Thrashers. It's the only way to be sure.
Nicolas Mahut and John Isner at Wimbledon: two bareknuckle pugilists [The Guardian]