The man writhing around on the ground as if he'd been splashed in the face with acid is Italy's Fabio Quagliarella. His theatrics led to Slovakian keeper Jan Mucha's yellow card. Thankfully, the universe doesn't stand for that shit.

Let's back up a little here. Down 2-0, the Azzurri started attacking like this game actually counted, and Antonio Di Natale scored to bring them within one. Immediately after the play, Quagliarella rushed into the goal to retrieve the ball and bring it back to the center of the pitch — a move we've seen pulled off by Didier Drogba and Serbia's Marko Pantellic without incident. Mucha, trying to chew some clock, held onto the ball, and a game of tug o' war broke out. Mucha appeared to smack Quagliarella, and Quagliarella went down like the Roma in '43. Yellow card awarded; game goes on.

Two minutes later, Italy was attacking again, but the refs managed to get a call right.

So, congratulations Fabio Quagliarella: You epitomize Italian soccer, and you shall continue to do so from home for the rest of the summer.