Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

* Landon Donovan took a swift 72-hour joy ride on the wings of ecstasy thanks to the rebound-goal that saved both the U.S.'s fleeting soccer interest and potentially his marriage. This morning? Well, he scored in the loss against Ghana and, according to a report from SI's Grant Wahl, possibly impregnated a British woman during his year-long sabbatical from his wife Bianca . Please, sir, let us know how toasty your feet get when you walk on sunshine for too long: "I was informed of the possibility during the World Cup, and if I need to take responsibility, then I will provide the appropriate support. This is a private matter and I will refrain from further comment at this time." Soccer.

* Fedor Emalianenko lost to Fabrico Werdum during the extra time portion of their heavyweight MMA bout.

* A.J. Burnett is still on pace to become the worst fucking pitcher on the planet.

* And still down about the U.S. loss to Ghana? Watch Kige Ramsey demonstrate the art of the penalty kick while wearing a straw hat. Take that, ESPN's fancy psychodramatic simulation piece.

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Alright. Barring any publishing meltdowns, this should be a great Sunday. With or without photos. Welcome back.