Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•What's more American than beating the French at their own game (even if the Tour is currently in Belgium, for some reason)? Right now, AS WE SPEAK, Lance Armstrong is a comfortable fourth place on day 2 of the Tour de France.
•What's more American than having the vote, then complaining about the results? The debating of All-Star snubs has begun in earnest. The poster child for writers' angst is Omar Infante, who was so caught off guard, when his GM called to tell him he made the team, his first thought was that he had been traded.
•What's more American than nailing Jessica Simpson? Supposedly she's now seeing Eric Johnson, the retired 49ers TE. So...are either of them actually dating up?
•What's more American than dressing up as Osama Bin Laden (oh sorry, "Osama Bin Happenin")? To Martellus Bennett, nothing.
•What's more American than a sports figure being humbled by a sex-and-booze scandal? Georgia AD Damon Evans is expected to tender his resignation, after being pulled over for a DUI with a woman who was not his wife, and "red panties between his legs." No word on what becomes of his just-signed 5 year, $3.25M contract extention. But taking the money and running — what's more American than that?
(Screengrab via the invaluable 30fps)
So, as you may have heard, AJ is currently over at Jezebel running shit for today. He will be crossposting his work over here, so feel free to comment with all your usual wit and verve. But since they're technically Jezebel posts, we won't be the ones wielding the banhammer, and we can't save you. Is it a trap? Maybe. Are we culling the herd? PROBABLY.
Be safe out there.
(What's more American than Tom Petty? Fucking nothing.)