In light of Dan Gilbert's laudable, laughable open letter to LeBron James, we proudly present an alternate history, in which Comic Sans is the font of choice (complete with needless scare quotes).

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Winston Churchill addresses Parliament.
Outcome: The Nazis win.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Lou Gehrig's farewell speech.
Outcome: Gehrig dies before he can finish the speech.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Henry addresses his soldiers before the Battle of Agincourt in Shakespeare's Henry V.
Outcome: The French win.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech during the March On Washington.
Outcome: His four little children are still judged by the color of their skin.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Bill Pullman as President Whitmore in Independence Day.
Outcome: The aliens win.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: William Jennings Bryan addresses the Democratic National Convention.
Outcome: The United States retains the gold standard, for ever and always.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko in Wall Street.
Outcome: The takeover of Teldar fails.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Patrick Henry's address to the Virginia Convention.
Outcome: No liberty, death.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Jack Nicholson as Col. Jessep in A Few Good Men
Outcome:Lt. j.g. Kaffee handles the truth. Col. Jessep is not needed on that wall.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Kurt Russell as Herb Brooks in Miracle.
Outcome: The Russians win.

Great Moments In Comic Sans HistoryS

Speech: Ronald Reagan's speech at the Brandenburg Gate.
Outcome:The Russians Win.