Hot New Trend Sweeping Through Suburban Chicago: Beating The Crap Out Of Mascots

Have you heard? Anybody who's anybody knows that the coolest thing to do now—at least in the lawless cesspool of the northwest suburbs of Chicago—is to beat up a mascot at an amusement park. Random assault fever—catch it!

The bedlam began Wednesday when two Six Flags Great America employees—the nefarious-sounding Taras Sikalchuk and Dmytro Petrychenko of Waukegan, and you know what they say about Slavs from Waukegan—decided to "hit their co-worker"—a woman dressed as beloved Looney Tunes character Porky Pig—"10 to 15 times." They were booked on battery charges by the Gurnee PD and summarily shitcanned by Six Flags Great America. Meanwhile ...

... in Tinley Park, the troubled mascot of the Chicago Bulls, Benny, was battered at Odyssey Fun World.

The Tinley Park victim told police he was dancing and playing his Bulls mascot character while escorting a group of kids through the facility in the 19100 block of Oak Park Avenue about 6:20 p.m. Wednesday when a man and woman approached him from an opposite direction.

The man told Benny to get out of his way, at which point the mascot backed off but continued dancing, according to the police report.

The man accosted the victim and then pushed him, causing him to fall and injure his wrist, the report said.

One witness saw the couple leave the facility in a white Chevy Impala, while another recorded the incident on his cell phone.

White Impala? Well, we can rule out one suspect.

Who are these people lashing out against mascots? Sure, if I was stuck with my girl at Odyssey Fun World and some dancing furry was in my way, I would probably step to him as well. The Porky Pig attack is a lot harder to figure, though. How well did she know these Leopold and Loeb fellows of costumed thuggery? What is the story there? Keep your ears to the ground on this one, gang. We'll update this story as it develops.

Six Flags fires 2 accused of hitting 'Porky Pig' [Chicago Breaking News]
First Porky Pig, now Benny the Bull battered [Chicago Breaking Sports]

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