This Cubs Shirt Got These Kids LaidS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• The Cubs used their pheromones to hypnotize the Phillies all weekend, including knocking around Lord Of The Penguins, Roy Halladay, yesterday, 11-6. [CrossingBroad]

• Hetero dudes: Ever wonder what it's like to play on a gay softball team? It's fun. And sassy. [The Good Men Project]

• Just like last year, Joakim Noah spends the off-season lurking around Chicago in a tank top and sunglasses. [TwitPic]

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Yeah, we'll get to Dwyane Wade and Fanhouse in a little bit. For now, put on your Monday pants and get moving toward that place you are supposed to be at right now.