Cancel Christmas, Cristiano Ronaldo Isn't Getting Married!

At least twenty minutes this morning have been spent scooping oozing chunks of warm egg from The Spoiler's face. Not an embarrassing breakfast mishap, you understand, but a clever metaphor.

The eggs symbolize a mixture of shame and humiliation, and this short piece represents the busy hands frantically spooning the stuff away, before it dries and becomes really smelly.

The reason for this shame: we reported that Cristiano Ronaldo was going to make an honest man of himself by marrying an underpants model, but apparently we were way off.

As it turns out, it was a bogus Irina Shayk Facebook page that reported the impending Christmas nuptials, and now the real Irina has stepped in to inform the world that she doesn't actually like talking about what goes on behind the scenes when she isn't working the camera in a set of up-the-bum bikini knickers.

Talking of which, here she is being really "fierce" (and rather NSFW)…

This post, written by Josh Burt, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff.