Some scene setting: The AEPi chapter at the University of Georgia recently notified alumni that the cost of tailgating at the bros' house was going up.
Here's an excerpt of what a current bro — let's call him Jacob P. or "Pinto" — sent out to Bros of Old ...
As the summer is coming to a close and we are finishing up our usual summer activities, we must start to prepare for the upcoming year and especially football season. The current chapter of AEPi knows the new problems with north campus tailgates and realize that we will have a larger amount of alumni wanting to tailgate at our house.
Therefore, we wanted to reach out to our known regulars first and offer our parking pass deals for the season as part of our loyalty program. We will be charging $20 for individual games and $105.00 for the entire season parking pass. It will be first come first serve by who gets their money back to me first. ...
The final deadline to respond will be August 4. ... I encourage everyone to check out all the cool new opportunities we have created to reach out to our alumni through our website.
I thought the underlined loyalty program was a nice touch. Apparently, an old bro — let's call him "Boon" or "Loves Grannie-Involved Exhibitionism Fantasies and Jewish-on-Jewish Slanderin'" — disagreed.
Have you ever done something you knew in your heart was wrong, like masturbate at your grandma's house? Well, I hate to say this, but what you and your active brothers are doing right now with charging $105 for a parking pass is equivalent to forcing your grandma to watch you jerk off and then charging her money for the show you just put on.
Oh, I like where this is going already.
Would you explain what gives you the right to charge the alumni money to park at the frat house that was ours before it was yours? Are you trying to blatantly fuck us over? Or do you sincerely think we are stupid enough say, "Hey! That's a swell deal you got there!
How fucking dare you kids. ... I'm not going to pay, EVER. "Limited Time Offer, Bend Over and Let a college kid con you out of your money!"
So your telling me that I'm not going to be able to tailgate at my own house. This isn't a synagogue kid, that's not how it works. You don't charge members for the high holy dawgs home games.
Now's as good a time as any to mention that the AEPi "history page" states, "Alpha Epsilon Pi was founded to provide opportunities for the Jewish college man seeking the best possible college and fraternity experience. ... Our heritage stems from one source: young Jewish men banding together in allegiance."
You low-down accomplished-nothing-in-your-lives-to-date-penny-pinching-dirty-gutter-jews! (I went there, You gave me no choice) And by the way, your email was about the douchiest thing I've ever seen. You are worse than the GTL douche bags I see in NJ on a daily basis.
Wow. Jews and Italians. Oh well. Onto the masturbatory coup de grace...
You might as well spit in my face while you shake my hand. You are suppose to respect the alumni not treat them like your fucking rich grandpa that you could care less about, the very same grandpa who is married to the grandma you jerked off in front of.
From what I gathered, UGa is cracking down on parking, so it's a "touchy subject in Athens." Touchy, indeed.
Here's the AEPi tailgating schedule. If you're willing to part with $105 without getting all Goebbelsy over a team that didn't crack the AP Top 25, Pinto's deadline is Wednesday. Enjoy!