Ray Lewis Masturbating On A Pile Of Skulls Is Not Actually That Far-FetchedS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•"F. B.," who sent in today's lovely wake-up photo, says not only did his friend make a sculpture of Ray Lewis skeeting atop a mound of human skulls, but was inspired by a painting in a Baltimore area bar. Which, presumably was inspired by an actual Ray Lewis incident. By the by, we'd love to see the painting, so if any readers know the bar, send us a shot of the, um, "art."

•JaMarcus Russell, not exactly bolstering his case for his charges on possession of Purple (actually, Orange) Drank, admits he's used codeine recreationally, and failed an NFL drug test back in 2007. Luckily for him, drugs aren't enough to rescind the AP's rookie of the year award. You know, if he had been any good.

•Looks like Bob Bradley will step down as USMNT coach, and is expected to take the top job at Aston Villa. I hope Michael Bradley likes postgame hugs and pizza parties with Jürgen Klinsmann.

•The Dodgers have officially melted down as bad as you can without your closer assaulting a close relative. Four runs in the eighth, four in the ninth, and the Phillies came back to win 10-9.

Reggie Bush apologized to USC AD Pat Haden for all those naughty things he did. Like daring to get paid, while the university made millions off of him. Bad Reggie!

•••••

All right, time to fire up the old fun machine.