Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• FIFA is considering doing away with World Cup ties. This is a big deal. [AP]
• Congratulations to Kansas City Chiefs WR Chris Chambers and Chambers' former stalker, Stacey Bernice Saunders, who were married in Las Vegas last month. Next on the Chambers' social calendar: A court appearance to address the 11 misdemeanor stalking charges hovering over Mrs. Chris Chambers, Judge Andre Rison presiding.[HipHopRX.com]
• Minnesota QB Sage Rosenfels 23-34, 310 yards, 3 TD, 0 INT, QB rating: 125.9. Minnesota QB Brett Favre 0-0, 0 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT, QB rating: 0. [ESPN.com]
• Pittsburgh QB Dennis Dixon: 6-7, 128 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT, QB rating: 158.3.
Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger: 0-0, 0 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT, QB rating: 0. [Yahoo Sports]
• Brian Westbrook to the Rams? [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
• Twitter Highlight of the Past 12 Hours: It wasn't so much what John Daly typed on PGA Championship Night Three: "Me & Doc Whitelaw in my living room, icing my shoulder & watching some NFL." It was more the mural on the wall behind He & Doc Whitelaw ...
• Joe Torre will decide by Labor Day whether he'll airbrush himself out of Major League Baseball [Tribune News Services].
• Hey Rocky, watch Andy Roddick pull the old mono slump-explanation excuse out of a hat: "There were some days where it was good, and some days where it was real bad. So it was like you would have one of those two or three good days, and it was like, 'OK, you're just being kind of a wimp.'" [AP]
• Top-ranked MMA big-guy Shane Carwin allegedly bought some roids from an online pharmacy. Say it ain't so. [MMAfighting.com]
• Bob Kraft introduces Sam Cunningham for induction into the Patriots Hall of Fame. And slurs a lot in doing so. [LarryBrownSports.com]
• And finally, from the "Hickey's Biased" coverage files ... Michael Vick says the Eagles will win 12 games this season. I'll do him one better: They go 38-0 over the next two seasons. Hold me to that [PhillySportsDaily.com]. Winning Pitcher: Halladay, 8 IP, 4H, 7K, 0BB [Philly.com]. If it takes "failed bunts" for the Cubs to win a game, so be it [St. Louis Post-Dispatch].
And on the seventh day, He celebrated the Hoff.