How To End A Relationship Via One Half-Assed Marriage ProposalS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

The Phillies won and kept pace in the NL East, but the real winner is every woman ever, who didn't have their boyfriend propose to them by holding up a sign on TV. (Screengrab via Crossing Broad. Fitting, because Jess is probably one cross broad right about now.)

•Because we're a full-service website, we bring news that Hilary Duff wore $1000 worth of underwear at her wedding to Mike Comrie this weekend. That's nice, but our ideal wedding outfit remains zero dollars worth of underwear.

•After a one-sided beanball exchange with the Yankees, Jim Leyland warns the umpire that "We're going to get somebody fucking hurt." Yeah, Daulerio's heart.

•Manny Pacquiao is without a fight partner, after California denied Antonio Margarito a boxing license at a hearing yesterday. Between the lack of a sanctioned fight, and Margarito claiming he didn't know anything about loaded gloves, this is like Rocky V, with worse acting.

LeGarrette Blount threw another punch on the field, this time at Titans practice. Maybe he should fight Manny Pacquiao.

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Greetings, sirs and ladies. Let's get right to it.