Hockey Goons Are Born, Not Made

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•The Phillies completed a sweep of the Braves, pretty much ending any drama in the NL East. Unless Michael Vick is named their fourth playoff starter, though, most Philadelphians might not notice.

•Speaking of which, the Eagles are fielding calls from teams about Kevin Kolb, the starter-for-life-for-whom-they-forced-out-a-local-legend. So in the end, they didn't just get two picks for forcing McNabb out of town. It'll really be three or four.

•The dust has settled, and Vincent Jackson remains a Charger. Well, a Charger holdout. The Vikings, Redskins, Seahawks and Rams, among others, made what Jackson's agent called reasonable offers, but no dice. One GM allegedly even pulled out the "Lord of No Rings" quip. When asked about all this, Philip Rivers made a goofy face.

Bucs safety Tanard Jackson failed a drug test, his third, and will miss a full year. Which is a shame, because Tampa Bay is on pace to go 19-0.

•In the only division race in baseball, the Padres leapfrogged back into first with a win and a Giants loss. Yes, David Eckstein was involved.

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Yeah, it's us again, for the next year. Sorry about that.