What The Fuck Are We Supposed To Do With Judah Friedlander?

Greetings, faceless demographic. So the folks at HarperCollins are trying to promote Judah Friedlander's book "How To Beat Up Anybody" and I'm having trouble trying to figure out how to promote it. It doesn't help that the publicist lady referred to the site as "Deadpin" several times.

[Sic'd]
From HarperCollins lady:

SUBJECT: "Deadpin Live Chat With Judah Friedlander"

Hey, A.J. Hope this note finds you well and enjoying the end of fall.

On October 5th, I'm publishing stand-up comic and "30 Rock" star Judah Friedlander's satirical karate guide HOW TO BEAT UP ANYBODY. Step-by-step, kick-by-kick, grunt-by-grunt, Friedlander teaches his techniques for crushing all kinds of assailants-muggers, three-armed attackers, Bigfoots, ninjas, dinosaurs, even ninjas riding on the backs of dinosaurs-and having stamina to spare for partying with a bunch of babes. To make mastering his mind-boggling moves easy for weak readers, he provides lots of pictures- more than 500 color photos along with original drawings and an action-packed flipbook!

Judah is hilarious and would, I think, be the perfect guest for a Deadpin live chat. Let me know what you think?

Thanks,

[We'll redact]

Here's her second attempt:

SUBJECT: Deadpin live chat with comedian/actor Judah Friedlander, author of HOW TO BEAT UP ANYBODY?

Hey, A.J. Hope this note finds you well and enjoying the end of fall.

Next Tuesday, I'm publishing stand-up comic and "30 Rock" star Judah Friedlander's satirical karate guide HOW TO BEAT UP ANYBODY. Step-by-step, kick-by-kick, grunt-by-grunt, Friedlander teaches his techniques for crushing all kinds of assailants-muggers, three-armed attackers, Bigfoots, ninjas, dinosaurs, even ninjas riding on the backs of dinosaurs-and having stamina to spare for partying with a bunch of babes. To make mastering his mind-boggling moves easy for weak readers, he provides lots of pictures- more than 500 color photos along with original drawings and an action-packed flipbook!

Judah is hilarious and would, I think, be the perfect guest for a Deadpin live chat. Let me know what you think?

ME:

Hmm.

Thing is — live chats kind of suck and/or never work. Is there anything else Judah would be willing to do for us to help promote the book?

HARPERCOLLINS LADY:

What if we gave you guys a small excerpt, or did a Q&A or something? I really think it's perfect for your audience.

ME:

Again, those are kind of hit-or-miss. The best approach would be something unique to us, then we can plug the book top/bottom. Like, a by-lined piece by him. Maybe a self-deprecating essay about demoralizing it is to plug a book? Some sports personality-related anecdote?

Just trying to give you guys the best opportunity to have the book resonate with our audience.

HARPERCOLLINSLADY:

OK, lemme give it some thought and talk to Judah and get back to you in a day or 2. I'm sure he can come up with something inventive and hilarious. Thanks, AJ!

ME:

No problem. Look forward to hearing from you

HARPERCOLLINSLADY:

A.J.:

Since you know your audience best, Judah suggested a quick Q&A that would enable him to be funny and creative in response to the questions the Deadspin readers might ask themselves. We could give you some of the ridiculous photos from the book, too. What do you think about that? If you're into it, do you want me to messenger you a copy of the book so you can take a crack at drafting the questions, or do you want me to? I could do it and then run them by you before he answers them. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

ME:

Yes, but q-and-a's don't work, [redacted]. It'll die. Trust me. In order for it to resonate with the audience (and compel them to purchase a book), he'll have to do something a little bolder than that.

How about this — how about I crowd-source the audience and see what they want him to do with him?

And here we are. What do you want us to do with him? What can Judah Friedlander offer to you fickle lunatics to make you click an Amazon link to buy his faux karate book?

The floor is yours, (s)Pinheads. Winning suggestion in the comments gets a free copy of the book and other crap from our desk, I guess.