Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• The NBA preseason kicked off with a bunch of preseason NBA games. Dwyane Wade got an early jump on the nagging injury that will ideally cripple the Heat by straining his hamstring (read: running afoul of Windhorst).
• The Great Ole Miss Mascot Search is nearly complete. The final candidate list has been revealed and it is disappointingly Admiral Akbar-free.
• Oh, Sports Fella. Simmons "accidentally" Tweeted a direct message about the Vikings going after Randy Moss. Florio—groan—and internet smartasses—cheer— were all over it. The trade happened though, so, good reporting there, Sports Fella.
• Steel yourself for the forthcoming wave of pink Liverpool kits and Massholes claiming a lifetime love of "Fahnahndo Fackin' Touris": Red Sox owner John Henry is precipitously close to buying Liverpool FC from a former MLB owner who foolishly decided to dip his toes into the EPL.
• If you are a boxing fan, this Queensberry Rules post that skewers a Chris Mannix piece on the generation-spanning dominance of Wladimir Klitschko may be of interest to you. If you are not a boxing fan, you should know now that it has nothing to do with being sued for libel by a portly Irishman.
• Not only does this Lenny Dykstra story have a ridiculous lede, it has Nails comparing himself to Gandhi to boot, so you should probably read it.
Good morning. Every Wednesday is Bagel Day, but Daulerio's on a secret mission. What I'm trying to say is there should be some extra lox over on the table.