Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Believe it or not, LeBron merchandise isn't selling in Cleveland. No, not even the Cavs 2011 calendar, some printings of which still feature James on the cover. Really? Now I'm not sure exactly when they were printed, but if it was any time this year, they could have put him in a Shanghai Sharks jersey and still had a better chance of being right than this.
•Vincent Jackson will finally report to the Chargers, because some brainiac at the players union told him he has to be on the roster for a certain number of games if he doesn't want to be a restricted free agent again next year. Joke's on you, Vincent: there won't even be a season next year!
•Gilbert Arenas was fined for faking an injury before Tuesday's preseason game. I think it's been proven that he's not threatened by fines; they're like bringing a knife to a gunfight for him.
•Remember those guys who pretended to be Russians at the Heat preseason game? After snookering local media, it seems they're prepared to keep the characters going through the season. Good. More chance to weed out Deadspin commenters who use "In Soviet Russia" jokes.