Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* The large amounts of sugar will keep him up just fine, thank you. [MSF]
* Dallas reporter Newy Scruggs can't contain his excitement at all the premium kush in McCovey Cove. [Gawker]