Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Texas won a home game in the World Series last night in front at least three It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia costumes. What I wouldn't give to see Presidents Bush dressed as Uday and Qusai for first-pitch duties tonight. [Star-Telegram]
• After Notre Dame lost to Tulsa, Coach Brian Kelly said he made decisions that ultimately led to a student's death. "You have to be able to look at the weather conditions and find out whether you believe it's going to be a productive day, first. We believed it to be productive, it was productive, obviously up until the tragedy. Practice must be safe." [ESPN] Writes tipster Charles C., "Talking about the final play of the ND vs. Tulsa game on a game cutaway for ESPN2, "...and the interception puts the nail in the coffin."
• Cruising through Lincoln, Neb. in a pickup truck, the Cubs bullpen catcher, his fiance (or wife) and an infant got pulled over by Johnny Law, who allegedly found 8.4 pounds of weed. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Awesome crash at Talladega. No word if Cole Trickle emerged unscathed. [Fanhouse] (H/T Barry W.)
• The Portland Trail Blazers say Greg Oden hasn't played enough to warrant a contract extension. [Oregonian]
• I don't know if this is really Matt Garza, am not a fratboy and most certainly don't hang out at Penn, but two emails arrived overnight saying Matt Garza showed up at a Penn frat party last night dressed like Evan Longoria. You decide whether it's him. You decide whether I just wasted two minutes of my, and your, time.
• Alex Ovechkin scored two goals in 13 seconds in last night's Capitals game. [Washington Post]
• Spike Lee thinks Carmelo Anthony will be a Knick "if God is willing and the creek don't rise." [New York Post]
• And, finally, from the "Hickey's Biased" coverage files … The creek rose, so I got nothing.
Happy Halloween. My most offensive costume ever? Wrote "Duke" on a T-shirt, put ketchup all over it, and called myself "Hurley after the crash." Don't judge. Karma already got me back. Yours?