What We Talk About When We Talk About A Dog Blowing An Australian Rugby Player (NSFW)

And here's a story from the Australian rugby universe sure to leave your brain a scrambled mess. To sum up: Canberra Raiders center Joel Monaghan decided to get drunkenly intimate with his teammate's dog. A picture was taken, it went viral, now he may be kicked out of the league.

The incident occurred during Mad Monday, a tradition during which players hit the pubs the day after the last game of the season in late September and just get shit-hammered, sort of like the Aussie footie equivalent of Rumspringa, I guess. Monaghan was (thankfully) completely wasted when the incident occurred and did it as a practical joke on one of his teammates. You know, the old "hey, watch your dog lick my balls" gambit. But this incident has completely shell-shocked the NRL and they're struggling to deal with the aftermath.

Here are some splendid quotes from some of the relevant parties forced to make statements about Monaghan's embarrassing man-on-dog love and its impact on the National Rugby League:

National Rugby League official David Gallop:

The fact of the matter remains that in any circumstance this [getting blown by a dog] is an appalling incident and one that has offended everyone associated with the sport. It is important that the club deals with it [getting blown by a dog] appropriately and that it reports to the NRL as soon as possible on the outcomes [of getting blown by a dog].

Canberra Raiders CEO, Don Furner:

It [getting blown by a dog] is something he will live with for the rest of his life. It's [getting blown by a dog] a big cross to bear for doing something stupid [getting blown by a dog] out on the drink.

And here's a statement from Monaghan's poor agent, Jim Banaghan, trying to act as contrite as possible:

Joel can't blame anyone but himself for an act of stupidity [getting blown by a dog] that will haunt him for the rest of his life. Joel wants to make it clear that he was the one playing a prank on an absent team mate by simulating the act [of getting blown by a dog]. There are no words of explanation that can be offered because none can be appropriate. Joel has to now face his family as well as fans and supporters with that shame and has already undergone counselling to help him cope with the consequences of what has happened [getting blown by a dog]. It was a moment of abject stupidity [getting blown by a dog] brought about by too much drink and a complete lack of any thought process. The fact that someone has sought to compound the situation further by the use of social media only adds to the trauma but Joel accepts that it is his actions alone [getting blown by a dog] that are at fault. He apologises unreservedly for the outrage that people feel at the moment and blames nobody but himself [for getting blown by a dog]. He will meet the club over the issue and accepts that there must be ramifications [for getting blown by a dog], but the fact is he is not in a fit emotional state to have those discussions at the moment. Joel is a genuinely good person who is simply shattered by a moment of sheer madness [getting blown by a dog].

Sheer madness. Love it.

It should be noted that, as of now, only 52% of Sydney Morning-Herald readers think Monaghan should be "sacked" from the Raiders. For getting blown by a dog.

The full photo (which appeared on Twitter briefly but has since been pulled). UPDATE Be warned — it's not pulled! If you click be prepared to not un-see!:

What We Talk About When We Talk About A Dog Blowing An Australian Rugby Player (NSFW)

Canberra Raider Joel Monaghan takes football to a new low [Herald Sun]
Raiders star Joel Monaghan faces sack over lewd act with dog [The Australian]