Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• The Bears shut out the Dolphins in Miami, and in the stands two fans engaged in single combat. It happens.

• The South Korean baseball team beat Taiwan in the Asian Games final, meaning that Shin-Soo Choo may have just hit his way out of Korea's compulsory two-year military service. To which one can only say, 축하드립니다.

• Hey, look! Pretty charts showing how the likes of Juan Freaking Uribe won a World Series.

• Tom Scocca remembers Baltimore boxing trainer Mack Lewis.

• Bud Selig on expanding baseball's playoffs: "Eight is a very fair number, but so is 10."

• Bud Selig on baseball's labor-management relations from 1972-1994: "In American labor history it's probably as bad a relationship as ever existed." (Not that it needs to be said, but ... no.)

• Bud Selig on motherhood: "I got ripped and torn apart, and it was pretty bad. If I had defiled motherhood I don't think I could have gotten ripped any more than I did.

• Slate's Brian Phillips addresses Major League Soccer's telescoped sense of American soccer history:

When you willfully exclude everything before 1996 from your sense of American soccer history, you don't have enough history to go around. Of course, MLS fans have their own stories and heroes: Brian McBride in Chicago, say, or Ben Olsen at D.C. United. What's missing is a sense from the league that soccer has deep roots in the United States, that the game is a constituent part of the national sports psyche rather than some alien import that crashed here to annoy Jim Rome.

• Tampa Bay's Mike Williams got popped on a DUI charge.

• Kevin Durant is a dolphin.

H/T Jovan for the video

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Good morning. It's Friday.