Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: Our hero has a Dukes of Hazzard moment.
We're hanging out in Charlotte. I'm on the Heat, and I'm with a couple of my teammates — I can't say their names, because they're married now. We meet these three beautiful Southern belles — non-black, of course, because that's where we're hanging. They go, "Well, do you want to go back to our apartment complex? We have a jacuzzi. It's open all night, and no one's ever in it."
We're thinking, OK, they're liquored up, and hot water will make them even more liquored up. So we go there, and they take off their clothes, down to their panties. We're looking around, me and my two boys. I'm like, I don't know if I'm gonna go all the way down to my underwear. They're like, Sal. OK, I go all the way down to my underwear.
We're sitting there, and we're trying to figure out how to turn the lights off on the jacuzzi, and out of the blue comes Boss Hogg. This is the security guard for the subdivision. [Ed. note: It's at this point in the podcast that Kevin Hench interjects, "I thought you were talking about your penis."]
Boss Hogg says, "All y'all boys naked up in that jacuzzi?"
We go, "No, sir."
He says, "Do you guys reside here."
We say, "No, we're guests of these young ladies."
He says, "Well, we're gonna have to see some ID."
I'm like, "Why you gotta see some ID? They live here."
Then I realize we're in North Carolina. It's 2:30 in the morning. It's about to be a bad situation. So I get up out of the water, and I'm putting my pants on — I'm gonna put my pants on wet, I don't care.
"No, no," Boss Hogg says. "We done called the police. You're gonna stay right in this water. You're gonna stay right here."
I say, "Unless you got a gun, and you're gonna shoot me, you're not gonna stop me from doing what I want to do."
I'm talking while I'm putting on my clothes, and I'm thinking, I don't have a driver. I don't know where I'm at. These broads drove us. We don't know where the hotel is. Boss Hogg goes: "You're gonna stay there until the cops come. Because you guys are inappropriate in this water. Y'all are going to jail for being naked and kissing in the jacuzzi."
I hand the girl her clothes and say, "Which one of y'all's driving?"
We make a dash for the car. One of the girls starts the car, and it's like Dukes of Hazzard. I'm thinking they're gonna chase us. But we get away. We get back to the hotel, and I jump out of the car, and I don't even care if the broad is following me. I'm just gonna go to my hotel room, take a shower, go to sleep, wake up, and go to practice tomorrow as if nothing happened. And that's what I did. The moral of the story? This is something I learned along the way. If you're gonna do something, if you're gonna be in a situation, always go to your hotel. Breakfast is with your teammates only.