Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• What was hyped as the potential fight of the year between Paul Williams and Sergio Martinez merely ended up offering what's being called the "Knockout of the Year." Williams seemed to be doing a'ight until Martinez caught him with a left hook in the second. He fell to the mat face first. He got Deebo'd. [Press of Atlantic City] (H/T Photos E.B. Lea and Tom B.)
• Here's video of a lady from Baltimore who really wants to play lingerie football. May your dreams come true!
• Gay drains a game-winning, buzzer-beating, 156-inch jumper over LeBron. [Memphis Commercial Appeal]
• If Harvard walk-on receiver Zar Zavala was really a Rhodes scholar, wouldn't he have known it before the Yale game? Idiot. [Corvalis Gazette Times] (H/T JovanJ)
• Derek Jeter's agent pitches a story calling the Yankees negotiation behavior "baffling." Lupica takes it and runs. [New York Daily News]
• Apparently with the help of at least one purple-and-yellow Imperial stormtrooper, LSU won a funfest over Ole Miss 43-36. [NOLA.com]
• One of life's befuddling mysteries solved: How Michigan cornerback Troy Woolfolk came to be nicknamed T-Woolf.
When I was in the zone, I took on qualities that no longer paralleled the qualities of the Troy character people previously knew. I personally think this other character is a little crazy. For example, where do you think my paws tattoos came from? I don't like pain, so that was not my idea. He clearly made that decision. I needed to clear up the confusion so I decided to give the person you see on the field a name, and the name I chose was T-Woolf. T-Woolf is only about two years old now. [MIchigan Daily]
For fuck's sake.
• "Peja Stojakovic: A Farewell" [AtTheHive].
• In Twitter news...
• Dude who peepholed Erin Andrews is getting sued for peepholing some broad who's not on TV. Profiling. [Chicago Sun Times] (H/T Tomuban)