Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•Kevin Garnett came up limp on a dunk, tweaking something in his right calf. X-rays were negative, he'll have an MRI today. This could be bad. You know how important the NBA regular season is. If KG were to miss a month of games, why, the Celtics could sink all the way to the 2-seed. (Photo of the "cat mink fur" Shaq bought Nate from Rajon Rondo's Twitter, via LibraryWarrior)
•Sidney Crosby's point streak comes to an end at 25 games, after running into a brick wall named Rick DiPietro. A cracked, crumbling brick wall that can't be replaced for another 11 years.
•A Kentucky woman is suing the Bengals, the county and the beer vendor after two drunks fell on her at a game last year, breaking her nose. She should have named Carson Palmer in the suit as well, as he was likely the main cause of their drinking so much.
•Marcin Gortat is none too pleased with the fact that his new team doesn't seem to play any defense. Giving up 123 to the Sixers will do that to you.
•Chuck Liddell finally calls it quits, at least three fights too late. He'll go to work for UFC, the organization that refused to promote any more of his fights, because, c'mon, where the hell else is he going to work?
•ESPN's Will Selva was suspended indefinitely after charges that he plagiarized copy from a newspaper column.
Hello. Put the coffee on, would you?