Robbie Alomar, Second-Rate Wax Robbie Alomar Turn TwoS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•The Carmelo Anthony trade has officially reached shitshow levels. One source says Anthony himself is holding up the deal by refusing to sign an extension. Another says he's been texted by Amar'e Stoudemire, telling him to sit tight until the Knicks can get him in free agency. Look, no one wants to play in New Jersey. Or Denver, for that matter. Or Detroit.

Jimmer! Fredette scored 47 points in a beatdown of rival Utah, and would have had more had he not been pulled with five minutes left. POY candidate? Kemba Walker was good, but not Jimmer good.

•Antonio Cromartie says he hates the Patriots and Brady's an "asshole." Cromartie might be angering the wrong person, because unless Darrelle Revis dies or something, Brady is going have the opportunity to make Cromartie look silly about 30 times on Sunday.

•Holy cow, did the Cavs get wallomped. At 112-57, the Lakers were within two points of doubling them up. Antawn Jamison's pissed. LeBron's laughing. There is no God.

Trevor Hoffman calls it a career, and will rejoin the Padres organization in some capacity. You've got to assume he'll be elected to the Hall of Fame, as no one with 600 saves has ever been kept out of Cooperstown.

(Thanks to Cheo for the photo. I don't know who decided a Mets jersey(Senadores de San Juan!) was the best representation of Alomar's career.)

•••••

Wake yourself up and dig yourself out.