Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• It tells you everything you need to know about Super Bowl week that the biggest story right now is the Packers' "team photo situation." No one gives a shit about this story, not even Sal Paolantonio. It's a test pattern of a story. This story is so manufactured the Chinese just put a 4 percent tariff on it. And in two days' time, when everyone is talking about Ines Sainz and Brett Favre, we will look back on this story as the week's intellectual high point.
• Steelers center Maurkice Pouncey will sit out the Super Bowl, but because he didn't make a pouty face on national television, no one is calling him a pussy.
• I didn't see it, but I'm told Mike Lupica addressed the media's fragging of Jay Cutler on yesterday's edition of Sports Reporters Drink Water out of Mugs, cautioning his colleagues that "we" shouldn't "define" Cutler based on "our" limited and inexpert knowledge of his medical condition. Armchair physician, heal thyself.
• We are tied in a single garment of destiny, and that garment is a replica Mets jersey.
• Stuart Scott is undergoing chemo.
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Good morning. There's a new intern in the house today. Be nice to Jack, everyone.