Tree-Poisoner's Lawyer Wants Off The Case Because He's An Auburn Fan

Time once again to play everybody's favorite game! SEC Fans: Big Children or Biggest Children? As a volunteer militia puts Alabama's Bear Bryant statue under 24-hour guard for fear of retaliation, the state gears up for its biggest trial since Atticus Finch defended Tom Robinson.

What's more important than the Sixth Amendment in Alabama? Well, the Second Amendment, yes, but also War Damn Eagle. Harvey Updyke's attorney has filed his papers to get taken off the case, because he knows he can't in good conscience defend history's greatest monster.

Philip Tyler was Updyke's court-appointed lawyer, either because he couldn't afford one or none would take the case. In his motion, Tyler says that his "numerous and personal family ties to Auburn" are a conflict of interest. It's true, it's a big conflict of interest, but it might be tough to find a lawyer from without ties to either school. Hell, good luck finding 12 jurors that aren't related.