This time a lady kickballstress from a Florida league is the one who unloads on her lazy teammates. She doesn't need stats to call out the bumbling stooges on her squad because she can see who's playing "vigilant" defense out there with her own eyes and she'll let them hear it if they're not playing some goddamn kickball the way it was meant to be played. Goddamn right, she will.
One of the people on the receiving end of this blast gives context on what you're about to read:
This girl's OBP is .085, maybe...and her best defensive play was when a ball bounced off her face and her sister happened to catch it - nevertheless, she felt compelled to send this when our captain asked who was going to make it to the Saturday playoffs last fall. The playoffs were always scheduled for Saturday. I think our team record was 6-2 at this point. We were doing pretty good. And in the spirit of the initial e-mail, some names have been redacted to protect the kickball innocent. Oh, and this was our seventh season playing in the league, so she had seven shirts already - just sayin.
Off we go.
CC: Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted; Redacted
Subject: Re: can you come to the playoffs?
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2010 11:58:12 -0400
This is stupid as shit. Why is the game on a Saturday? Someone just tell Redacted to move it because we sign up for Kickball on Thursdays and that's when were scheduled to play.
If the gator game is on at noon I'm not going point blank. I don't care if were playing Vanderbilt.
No one acts like they care anymore, the games are a joke, me and Redacted are the only ones screaming for people to be vigilant on defense, and half the time there aren't enough girls to play anyway. It's a joke. I won't be there tonight and will continue to not be there until someone besides us starts caring before the goddamn 5th inning.
I don't even care if this makes me mean or bitchy. I haven't even gotten a goddamn shirt.
I'm NOT wasting my Saturday for the games that we've been playing lately. Ive already been wasting my Thursday nights. If everyone is going to show up and play some damn Kickball Redacted and I will be there. If it's gonna be like every other game this season then NO WAY.
Sent from my iPhone
Did she get her goddamn shirt? Did this team of non-vigilant defenders rally around Miss Crazypants and claim victory? Has any man in this woman's life ever filed a restraining order? I need answers.
And by all means — please send us more of these rants. We need more joy around here.