Your morning roundup for May 25, the day we were "spoon-fed gold leaf and pharmaceutical cocaine by Ferran Adria himself." Image courtesy tipster Rosina.
What we watched: In round one of the French Open yesterday, the king of clay actually looked mortal. It took Rafael Nadal five sets to get past American John Isner (6-4, 6-7(2), 6-7(2), 6-2, 6-4), who you may remember as one half of the 11-hour Wimbledon epic from last year — he was the gangly young guy who won and who looked like he should have been a swingman instead of a tennis player. Yesterday, the 26-year-old nearly made a chance for himself to be known for something else — beating the best clay tennis player of our time in the first round of his favorite tournament. He led 2-1 and looked like he might pull it off, and then the world No. 1 shook off what he admitted were first-round jitters and began to play like the world No. 1. "The way he played in the fourth and fifth set," Isner said afterward, "I haven't seen tennis like that, ever." (Emma Carmichael)
What we're watching: The past week and change has given us some extraordinary semifinals—Dirk's free throws, Bosh's pillow beatdown, the Canucks-Sharks choke-off—but only one series was ever tied at two. The Lightning and Bruins have given us gobs of goals, rookie heroes, and a million different little momentum shifts. Tampa Bay switched goalies once, and now they're switching goalies again. Regardless of who's in net, the Lightning score and defend. The Bruins have a 3-2 edge before game six in Tampa (8 p.m., Versus). You must know we're going seven. (Jack Dickey)
Dwyane Wade and the nature of the bounce: "Basketball players sometimes have the power to make the play happen and reverse the momentum. Sometimes the ball goes in, sometimes it doesn't. Wade was going through a rough patch, but that's how it goes. This is a game in which each shot is likely to miss. And Wade happened to be in one of those ruts that tests a player's confidence. That's what makes basketball so compelling — the improbable occurs all the time. And nothing seemed more improbable than Wade taking over late in the game. Despite shooting 5-for-16 on the night, he notched 14 points, five rebounds, four blocks and two steals. He is the rare shooting guard who can still be the best player on the court even when he's not shooting well. For that stretch in the overtime, that's who he was." [Heat Index]
Miami is Chicago's land of doom: "What is it about this place that brings out the worst in Chicago sports? Too often in the past our city's teams have taken their torments to South Beach. Too often Chicagoans' hopes have been crushed by another Swoon over Miami. This is where the '85 Bears lost their first and only game of that magical season. Where the 2006 Bears couldn't stop the Colts in Super Bowl XLI. It will be on the same South Florida soil that the Bulls look back at the spot their season slipped away. Rest assured nobody here will say the Bulls went quietly." [Tribune]
Someone should calculate the value of Nate Silver's speech to aspiring journalists over a replacement lecture: "The third skill: learn how to make an argument. This is something that came naturally to me as a former high school debater. One of the things that distinguishes (quote-unquote) 'new journalism' from some of its more traditional forms is that the reader is really going to be looking for analysis, meaning, context, argument. Unless you come across some really fresh and proprietary information — it's great to get a scoop, but it won't happen very often — it's not enough just to present the information verbatim. One of the flaws of political journalism, in fact, is that a lot of what amounts to spin is given authority be being reported at face value." 
This guy painted his BMW in a Brooklyn apartment, somehow: "Naturally, he couldn't fit the entire car into his apartment, so, little by little, Korzun disassembled the body panels and brought them inside — a few parts at a time — leaving the BMW parked in its usual spot on the street outside." [Jalopnik]
The Dead Wrestler of the Week archive is up and running: Read them all here, as if for the very first time.
Minor league hockey, in a Frenchish nutshell: "His name is one of just a few, that when you say it, it's synonymous with the Fort Wayne Komets. Tuesday afternoon, Guy Dupuis shocked the Komet nation, by saying this is it. Dupuis is retiring after 21-years of playing professional hockey, most of which was right here in Fort Wayne." [INC Now]
He donated the money anyway: "Woods is in Philly today to promote the upcoming AT&T Classic at Aronimink. About an hour before his nationally televised press conference, he Tweeted that he would donate $1 million to his charity, the Tiger Woods Foundation, if no one asked him about his leg. First question: "Tiger, how you doin? Um, first question, how you feelin'? How's your health today as opposed to a week ago or two weeks ago?" Way to go, asshole." [Crossing Broad]
Six rings, no; Six Flags, maybe:"The Los Angeles Lakers have moved passed the interview phase of their head coaching search and have narrowed down the field of candidates they will consider extending an offer to, according to multiple sources with knowledge of the situation. The leading names on the Lakers coaching list are former Cleveland Cavaliers front man and current ESPN analyst Mike Brown; Rick Adelman, who recently parted ways with the Houston Rockets; and Brian Shaw, who has been a Lakers assistant coach since 2004, according to sources." [ESPN LA]
But El Duque never missed the playoffs: "Now, 50 years later, foreign developers say the Cuban government has swung in nearly the opposite direction, giving preliminary approval in recent weeks for four large luxury golf resorts on the island, the first in an expected wave of more than a dozen that the government anticipates will lure free-spending tourists to a nation hungry for cash. The four initial projects total more than $1.5 billion, with the government's cut of the profits about half. Plans for the developments include residences that foreigners will be permitted to buy—a rare opportunity from a government that all but banned private property in its push for social equality." [NYT]
Huston Street is also not a fan of Bob Geren: "For me personally, he was my least favorite person I have ever encountered in sports from age 6 to 27. I am very thankful to be in a place where I can trust my manager." [San Francisco Chronicle]
Pump it up: "A New Zealand truck driver who fell on a compressed air hose that pierced his buttock has survived being blown up like a balloon. Steven McCormack had fallen between the cab and the trailer of his truck, breaking the air hose. The nozzle pierced his buttock and began pumping air into his body, which expanded dramatically." [BBC]