A selection of stories from the week we were seriously not confident.
The Canucks Fan Who Drove 1,000 Miles For A Game, Partied With The Owner, Drank With Beautiful Women, Nearly Died, And Got Comped For Game 5 | This is the totally true story of Danny, a 24-year-old Canucks fan who on the spur of the moment decided to drive from Vancouver to San Jose for Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals, and ended up wandering the streets in a hospital gown with no memory of the preceding nine hours. (Barry Petchesky)
Jim Tressel Is The Symptom, Not The Disease | I don't mean to interrupt the national barbecuing of Jim Tressel, which I'm enjoying as much as the next guy, but there are three kinds of hypocrisy in play here, and at this point it's hard not to see Tressel's as the least of the bunch, and almost noble in its own weird way. (Tommy Craggs)
• ALSO: A Brief Interview With An Ohio State Fan Who Named His Kid "Tressel" | What Happens When An OSU Sudent Reporter Gets Jim Tressel In Trouble
Chris Pronger Thinks He Is Not On Air, Says A "Shitfaced" Mike Keenan Once Stormed Gretzky's Hotel | "We got blown out 8-1, and it was like an NBC game, or whatever it was, and, oh my God, [coach Mike Keenan] came in and ripped everybody, tore Gretzky a new ass, and I'm sure he'd never had that happen before, and that was it, he was like, I'm not re-signing here, I'm done. That was it. Mike showed up at his hotel that night-it was an afternoon game-that night showed up shitfaced at his room." (Jack Dickey)
Dan Snyder's Latest Media Blitz Makes Everyone Look Like A Simpering Ass | Dan Snyder doesn't do many interviews. The reason: When Dan Snyder opens his mouth, he embarrasses himself. The Redskins owner appears comfortable only when speaking in sound bites about how his blood runs "burgundy and gold." So it came as a surprise last week when Snyder sat down with the DC affiliates of FOX and NBC. Snyder was eager to discuss his charitable works. He also wanted to talk about "tabloid" journalists. Most of all, he wanted to be loved. It was shameless PR stagecraft, and it was embarrassing for everyone involved — the asshole being interviewed, the incompetent who no doubt engineered the interviews, and especially the credulous morons conducting the interviews. (Luke O'Brien)
"Albino Man. Pink Gorilla Singing SportsCenter Theme Song." A Story About Deadspin And ESPN's Grantland Project | As we reported weeks ago, our senior editor, Tommy Craggs, was verbally offered a position by Grantland.com to be a writer/columnist but the deal was shelved when he obliterated Page 2 "editor" Lynn Hoppes on Deadspin. This video is roughly the point where the deal fell apart. (A.J. Daulerio)
• ALSO: Here Is The Giant Bill Simmons NYT Mag Profile You Were All Waiting For
Tim Donaghy Watches The Watchmen | As he did for us last year, Tim Donaghy, the former NBA referee who spent 11 months in prison for relaying inside information to gamblers, will review the performance of his former colleagues during the NBA Finals. Game 1 | Game 2
Why Mike Emrick Is The Best | SI has a nice profile this week of hockey's undisputed signature voice, Mike "Doc" Emrick. The story picked up some of the things that make Emrick a great play-by-player: his research, his enthusiasm, his longevity. But the way Emrick announces a game wasn't mentioned in the SI story, and that's what makes him distinctive and great. Consider this video, from Wednesday night's Game 1. He cracks and squeaks and roars. It's a voice that calls up an older era of sports broadcasting, without sounding like a man talking around his cigarette. (Jack Dickey)
• ALSO: Network Airing Stanley Cup Finals Does Not Know Who Is In Stanley Cup Finals
Rampage Jackson Comes Very Close To Motorboating This Reporter | On Saturday, Rampage Jackson decisioned Matt Hamill in the main event of a UFC card that nobody cared about. After the fight, Jackson was his typical charming, wanton self. Here's an interview he did with Karyn Bryant of MMA Heat in which Jackson all but ravages her at the press-conference podium. This isn't the first time the "alpha male" has gotten a little eager on camera with female interrogators. (Luke O'Brien)
• MORE: Rampage Jackson Mocking, Humping, And/Or Mistreating Retarded People, Fat People, Gays, Women, Japanese Men, And A Door: A Gallery
FIFA Foibles | We watched Sepp Blatter coast to reelection this week. Like other landslide-winning despots before him, Blatter retained the services of Henry Kissinger. And only now is Chile investigating a long-ago suspicious death that Kissinger might know something about.
Confessions Of A Second-Grade Reaganite | Ronald Reagan would have been 100 years old this year, but he's dead now and riding ponies up in heaven or something. I was in second grade in 1984, when Reagan defeated Walter Mondale in the biggest election landslide in American history. And for reasons unknown to me now, I appear to have adored the man. (Drew Magary)
Editor-in-Chief: A.J. Daulerio | Senior Editor: Tommy Craggs | Writers: Barry Petchesky, Luke O'Brien | Contributing Editor: Drew Magary | Night/Weekend Editor: Brian Hickey | Video Editor: Emma Carmichael | Contributing Artist: Jim Cooke | Intern: Jack Dickey | Video Intern: Kate Shapiro | Moderators: Comment Ninja Squadron