A selection of stories from the week we were a politically incorrect figure wildly swinging a bat.
Mark Cuban Files The Ultimate "Fuck You" Legal Brief | "Scoreboard," the defendant said. (Barry Petchesky)
• ALSO: The Brilliant Legal Mind Behind Mark Cuban's "Fuck You" Brief
"Too Much To Drink And Chasing Pussy": A Tour Of The W.V. Bars In Which Dana Holgorsen Allegedly Got Shitfaced | As you might remember, West Virginia's new, occasionally sober head coach has been involved in several "alcohol-related incidents" over the past six months, per the Huntington Herald-Dispatch. From what I could gather, those incidents took place at two casinos, one golf course/resort, one lodge bar, one upscale Morgantown hotel bar (thrice), and one Marshall bar in Huntington. Let's take a look, shall we? (Kevin Collier)
Jim Riggleman Partied Away His Sorrows Last Night | Jim Riggleman resigned from the Nationals on Thursday and promptly hit up Caddies in Bethesda, where he badmouthed Mike Rizzo and generally had a grand old time: "I was solving the world's problems last night at Caddies...I had to let those ladies get a look at me...There are some beautiful young ladies in that place!" (Barry Petchesky)
Dead Wrestler Of The Week: Brian "Crush" Adams | Brian Adams's mainstream wrestling career started in medias res. A former military man who'd learned how to grapple while stationed in Japan, Adams was plucked out of the indie scene of the Pacific Northwest and thrust into top-level WWF storylines as the third member of Demolition, one of the most successful acts in the WWF. Demolition were themselves a semi-sanitized, cartoon version of the Road Warriors — smaller spikes, less anabolically grotesque physiques — and the connection was perhaps even stronger than that. Demolition swiped their look from The Humungus of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, the very film from which Hawk and Animal lifted their post-apocalyptic shtick. (The Masked Man)
Clint Dempsey Is Casual And Cold-Blooded | When Clint Dempsey tried to walk the ball in against Guadeloupe, it was predictably disrupted, and he was predictably blasted for being too casual. It's a particularly biting critique for soccer, the one sport where we expect American athletes' effort to outpace their skill, rather than the other way around. But it misses the essence of what makes Dempsey Dempsey, and attempts to paint a strength as a weakness. (Barry Petchesky)
Prospecting In New Jersey | You read the draft experts' various passive-aggressive scouting reports on pro prospects like Jordan Hamilton ("He's got a great personality"), and the Internet's scouting report on Kyle Singler ("reminds me of Larry Bird"). You read the last-minute delusions. Then Jan Vesely made out with his girlfriend and you said, "Awww" — until Jay Bilas got talking about tremendous hands.
136 Bud Lights For Only $680! An Unscientific Analysis Of The Boston Bruins' Epic Bar Tab From Foxwoods | The photo of this receipt is hazy (full version here), and that's how it should be. Mere hours after riding through the streets of Boston in Duck Boats, the Bruins took the Stanley Cup to the MGM Grand at Foxwoods and set to drinking. First came the bottle of Bacardi and 18 sugar free Red Bulls. (Luke O'Brien)
• MORE HOCKEY: Kissing Riot Couple's Zapruder Film Proves Their Blissful Moment Was Not Staged | The Pivotal First Minutes Of Vancouver's Self-Immolation
Rory Wins, And People Lose Their Minds | U.S. Open winner Rory McIlroy celebrated with Shane McMahon and a trophy filled with champagne. Meanwhile, NBC took God out of the Pledge of Allegiance, and Yahoo! commenters made their displeasure known with measured and thoughtful commentary about Allah or something.
Brewers Fan Tells Nyjer Morgan To Go Fly A Kite, So Nyjer Morgan Goes And Flies A Kite | More evidence that Nyjer Morgan is a singular soul: Reader Todd responded to one of those tweets that public figures always release into the Twittersphere to make their followers feel acknowledged (this one: "Wat should ur boy do today?"), only this public figure (sure, why not?) happened to be Nyjer Morgan, baseball's eternally unabashed weirdo. (Emma Carmichael)
Red Sox Fan Catches Foul Ball With $7 Light Beer, Still Finishes Beer | If you paid that much for a Bud Light, you'd drink it, too. (Emma Carmichael)
Editor-in-Chief: A.J. Daulerio | Senior Editor: Tommy Craggs | Managing Editor: Tom Scocca | Writers: Barry Petchesky, Luke O'Brien | Contributing Editor: Drew Magary | Night/Weekend Editor: Brian Hickey | Video Editor: Emma Carmichael | Contributing Artist: Jim Cooke | Interns: Jack Dickey, David Roher | Moderators: Comment Ninja Squadron