Brian Wilson Wore A Skin-Tight Tuxedo Onesie To The ESPYs

Your morning roundup for July 14, the day we watch Dog get shaken down by bro with a camera in Colorado.

Brian Wilson Wore A Skin-Tight Tuxedo Onesie To The ESPYs

What we watched: A cross section of Deadspin staffers' actual evening activities, on the worst night for televised sport. Carmichael: hate-watched the final hour of the ESPYs. Cosentino: went to Prospect Park for a birthday party-type thing. Craggs: was on "a fucking train." Daulerio: Soundgarden concert. Petchesky: tried to watch minor league baseball, gave up after it became a blowout, read a book. Roher: conquered Europe. Scocca: watched boats go by on the Hudson as the distant lights of Weehawken twinkled in the gathering dusk. Then read some Janet Malcolm.

Elsewhere

The Beckham Curse: "A former England football mascot was stabbed to death on a Greek holiday island yesterday in a bust-up with local cabbies. Robert Sebbage - led on to the Wembley pitch by David Beckham before the Three Lions' 2007 friendly with Brazil - was knifed through the heart on Zante." [The Sun]

Christian Lopez will have his own Topps card: "This probably isn't what the finished product will look like, exactly — any Joe or Jill off the street can design his or her own baseball card at MyTradingCards.com — but Topps says it will produce a card of Lopez to be included in sets later this year. Bottomless Yankees tickets. A Jeter meeting and memorabilia. Business leaders demanding to pay his taxes and student loan. A visit to the Today show. Soon he'll be a cardboard god. How else will a grateful world reward him?" [Big League Stew]

NBA nearly fines Chad Buchanan for using four-letter word: "The league office has prohibited the teams' employees from commenting on players. Employees can talk about team issues, evidently, but not about players. ‘There's a line in the sand that the NBA has drawn for everybody, but nobody knows exactly where the line is,' one NBA team employee says. ‘Everybody is scared, not wanting to be the first to be hit with a fine.' Witness a recent interview with Trail Blazers acting General Manager Chad Buchanan. When it was observed that it's too bad there is no summer league scheduled, Buchanan replied, ‘Yeah.' Shortly thereafter, the league threatened Buchanan with a $1 million fine, according to one source." [Portland Tribune]

New Mexico football player will not be charged for baggy pants: "Marman was arrested on suspicion of trespassing, battery of a police officer and obstruction after police say he refused to leave the US Airways flight on the captain's orders. The incident sparked allegations of racial profiling after a photo surfaced of a man who flew aboard a US Airways flight wearing skimpy women's panties and mid-thigh stockings days before Marman's arrest. That man was white. Marman is African-American." [AP]

Don't mess with hockey players: "This is what happens when you taunt men who have the ability to launch a frozen rubber projectile with incredible speed at the breakable surface you believe is protecting your heckling behind. And why it's not only cheaper but safer to launch expletives from the comfort of the upper deck." [Puck Daddy]

Why Todd Haley snubbed Josh McDaniels: "'I don't know if I can answer that within the locker room, but I know that it has something to do with the Spygate, the videotaping,' Colquitt said. 'All the stuff like that. And I think that Haley was like, 'Listen, based on that game I can tell what you are doing, and you are cheating.'"[Pro Football Talk]

Wait. Pro athletes always misbehaved? Who knew? "'The only difference between me and Albert Haynesworth or Michael Vick is they got caught and I didn't,' he said. Douglas confessed to two examples. As a player, he once led a police chase through two cities in Ohio before surrendering. Another time he carried a concealed weapon through three states in a rental car." [Philadelphia Daily News]

Awful Announcing's Joe Morgan replacement tournament continues: Today, Deadspin favorite Joe Buck takes on Deion Sanders, and John Sterling will do battle with Skip Bayless. Go vote! [Buck-Sanders, Sterling-Bayless]

Here y'all go: Guyism presents "All the Y'alls from Tami Taylor."

Eric LeGrand was never supposed to do what he did yesterday: "Standing up little by little in therapy #believe #TeamUSA" [@BigE52_RU] (Previously)

Freestyle Driving Up The Side Of A Mountain interlude:

We are all Dave McKenna CXLV: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting every day until Snyder's dumbass libel lawsuit loses at the ESPY's to a play that happened three days ago.

A kinder, gentler Kirk Gibson: "It would be a stretch to suggest Gibson, 54, has mellowed with age. His clubhouse rules are among the strictest in baseball. For example, cellphones are banned in the clubhouse and, after certain hours, laptops are as well. Gibson finds both to be rude distractions. He also requires players and coaches to wear suits and ties on the road. But there's no question Gibson has matured. Made the butt of a spring-training joke during his playing days with the Dodgers, a livid Gibson stormed off the field in a huff, refusing to play in that day's exhibition game. Yet, when Diamondbacks pitcher J.J. Putz and second baseman Kelly Johnson this season persuaded the entire team to start a trip wearing ties depicting a shirtless Gibson hawking deodorant in a TV ad, the manager called the prank ‘pretty funny.'" [LA Times]