(Ed note: NBC now retracts their earlier report, confirming that the Cutler Facebook page was a fake. I'll leave this post up so you can point and laugh at me.)
There's an ick factor to reporting the breakup of Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari, since the wounds are still fresh and a jilted fiancée is never fun. But then we remembered that they're not human beings but rather breathing caricatures with the emotional maturity of middle schoolers.
Late last night, Cutler changed his relationship status on Facebook from "engaged" to "single," perhaps while finishing off his third pack of Capri Sun. Capri Sun was always Kristin's favorite.
Then, surrounded by scattered macaroni and glitter from the "I'm sorry" card he had started to make for her, he posted this update:
Thank you all for the support, but if you talk bad about Kristin I will delete and block you. It's unecessary and heartless. Also, don't say now I can play football, I could play football when I had her compared to when I don't. Football is the least of my worries, so have some respect.
He then deleted his Facebook account. Farewell, Jay and Kristin. You were too beautiful for this world.