Your morning roundup for July 26, the day we woke up alive after a night in a morgue. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

R.A. Dickey Totally Just Almost Ate His Boogers

What we watched: We're not sure, but we think the Texas Rangers just might have scored another run. The Rangers plated 18 runs on 22 hits last night against the Twins … in the first five innings. Texas wound up winning by a pair of touchdowns, but not before Michael Cuddyer came on in the eighth to throw one of the Twins' two scoreless innings, which ought to make talk of Cuddyer's versatility all the more insufferable as his name is bandied about in this week of trade ridiculousness.

It's Tuesday. Stay awhile.

Elsewhere

Your "awwww" story of the morning: "Trooper Jason McAlister, who works in the patrol's size and weight trucking division, was patrolling Interstate 35 south of Goldsby about 4:30 a.m. July 11 when he noticed a southbound tractor-trailer with a headlight out. McAlister pulled the truck over. A Big Eight championship ring was on the left-hand ring finger of the driver. It was in good shape, but something seemed out of place, McAlister said. The 39-year-old trooper said he didn't think the driver looked like a former OU football player because he was smaller than most football players. ‘It just didn't seem right,' McAlister said. ‘He didn't look like what I thought would have been a football player, and I have never seen a football player wearing a championship ring. Most keep them stored away.'" [KJRH.com]

L.A. will care about the end of the NFL lockout when L.A. has an NFL team: "Interestingly, sprinkled about in this burst of NFL happiness is the opinion that this somehow means Los Angeles will get a team more quickly. Part of that is that there are two viable stadium projects - Phil Anschutz downtown and Roski out in Grand Crossing (formerly the City of Industry) - sitting on drawing boards and allegedly ready to happen. More so, in the NFL agreement, some extra money has been set aside for loans to help build stadiums. Golly, gee whiz. This could be it. Or, taking the contrarian side, this could be yet another kick to L.A.'s groin." [LA Times]

How low can Seattle go?: "There have been awful seasons, but many of those came in the early years, when the Mariners still had the excuse of being an expansion team to fall back on. And while the recent downturn has been painful — five last-place finishes in the last seven years, two of them with triple-digits in losses and another at 99 — I'd say that their abrupt demise in 2011, punctuated by this hideous losing streak, is the absolute nadir." [Seattle Times]

Freestyle extreme pogo-sticking interlude:

Al Golden has thoughts on swagger: "‘For us the swagger was developed by demonstrated performance and from having a chip on your shoulder and from work ethic and from being the hardest-working team and from being a tough team and from playing with passion. And all of a sudden people said, ‘Miami plays with swagger.' Well, then it only takes a couple years where you have kids that put on the uniform and think you automatically get the swagger because you wear the U.'" [Miami Herald]

Swimming is reverting: "This is the first major international meet since the return to textile suits, and Lochte's winning time was far off Biedermann's world record of 1:42.00. ‘In '09, I just did my thing. For the moment now it's more difficult for me,' Biedermann said. ‘The suits helped. No matter what we are back in jammers now and that's all that counts.'" [AP]

We are all Dave McKenna CLVII: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting every day until Snyder's dumbass libel lawsuit is thrown out, or the universe suffers heat death, whichever comes first.

Mutton Busting is officially over as a trend: "J. T. is small for his age, Ms. Templin said. Successfully riding sheep "did so much for his little ego. He was so proud of himself," she said. This year he came off quickly and took a hoof to the groin. He dusted himself off and came back for a second ride later that day." [NY Times]