Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 2, the day we tricked you into thinking it was our birthday again. Photo via Slashfilm. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.
What we're watching (all times EDT, unless noted): MLB Network has regional coverage that includes two games, with both beginning at 8 p.m.: Cardinals-Brewers or Yankees-White Sox. ESPN's got a WNBA game between Phoenix and Minnesota that also starts at 8.
Read Me: Today's Story That Doesn't Suck
Get to know Louis C.K.: "There's not even a joke there, I don't think. And yet I found myself laughing — not so much at the shock of it as the way he was taking the 'Aren't humans dopes?' aspect of so many comic bits and applying it to the grimmest act imaginable. There's a deep anti–moral-hypocrisy vein running through C.K.'s work, which is organized as much as anything around the idea that to not speak openly about our capacity for ugliness is to further enable it. This, I think, is part of what other comics are talking about when they describe him as being 'brave' and 'fearless' onstage. Or it's this combined with what we know about his life, that he has two young daughters, and-when he's not traveling for a gig or shooting his show or going on the radio, as he did a few months back, to ask Donald Rumsfeld over the phone if he was a lizard who eats Mexican babies — he's making the girls breakfast and taking them to school and otherwise operating in full domestic-dad mode. It's something about the completely permeable membrane between those two versions of himself, the loving dad and the guy whose life appears to be an ongoing piece of performance art devoted to expressing every twisted thought that surfaces in his brain, that makes him either the most honest comedian in the world or kind of a disturbing freak. [GQ]
This Date In Deadspin History
Aug. 2, 2005: Bong Bonged For Bonging Wife
No, really: We're partnering with the crew at WhoBet, with whom from time to time we'll be placing bets on which you, the reader, can wager with us. There's no real money involved, but you might want to participate anyway, just for fun. And you could win a prize. The first bet, which we'll be repeating here every few days or so in the next week and a half, is here. Check it out:
Six games for Jered Weaver: "The pitch Jered Weaver fired over the head of Tigers catcher Alex Avila on Sunday at Comerica Park will cost the Angels All-Star starter a six-game suspension, Major League Baseball announced Tuesday. Weaver is appealing the suspension, which will affect his upcoming start. Weaver was also fined an undisclosed amount." [Orange County Register]
Tiger's feeling better, finally: "Saying he hasn't felt this good in ‘years,' Woods stuck to his typical mantra that nothing has changed regarding his expectations, despite not having finished a tournament since the Masters in April. At the Bridgestone, he is playing the first two rounds with Darren Clarke (1:40 p.m. ET on Thursday, 9:50 a.m. ET Friday). ‘I'm just focused on trying to win a golf tournament,' he said. ‘That's it.' It has been nearly two years since Woods last won, and he's dealt with swing and injury issues for most of the interim. A year ago at this very tournament, Woods seemingly hit rock bottom when he shot 18-over par and finished 30 strokes behind winner Hunter Mahan at a tournament he's won seven times." [ESPN]
The NFL lockout didn't exactly solve everything, did it?: "‘What really annoys me is the hypocrisy of people clamoring for my head for asking for a new deal or to be traded,' Umenyiora told The Associated Press. ‘Saying I have 2 [years] left on my deal. These contracts only mean something to us? Where is [Shaun] O'Hara? Where is [Rich] Seubert? True inspirational football players. They were cut after being injured. They have years left on their deal. Why is jacobs asked to take a pay cut? He has years left on his deal. The fact is in the business we are in, if you get injured, or they feel like you under performed, they cut you without hesitation. But if you clearly outplay your contract, and ask for something to be done, [you're] a bad guy and not a team player. [It's] ridiculous.'" [Star-Ledger]
South African tea commerical interlude:
The impact of aluminum bats: "The Montana Supreme Court has awarded $850,000 to the family of a 18-year-old pitcher who was killed by a baseball hit off an aluminum bat. The aluminum baseball bat was not designed defectively, but the manufacturer should have had warnings about the enhanced risks associated with using it, according to this ruling upholding a lower court decision rendered back in October 2009. The ruling comes on the heels of a number of well-publicized incidents where pitchers have been hurt by balls hit by aluminum bats - balls apparently hit too hard for them to dodge . However, the decision is unlikely to have much impact on sports insurance and baseball, according to one sport insurance agent who is intimately familiar with baseball and aluminum bats." [Insurance Journal]
Some debts just can't be kicked away: "According to Nate D Sanders Auctions, Guy recently filed for bankruptcy and was ordered by a judge to sell the rings to raise money to pay off his debts. Bidding is underway now and they will be sold next Tuesday to the high bidder." [Sports Collectors Daily]
OK. But why?: "NFL spokesman Greg Aiello declined comment, saying ‘We're not announcing any suspensions at this point.' Buchanon released a statement this afternoon through his publicist, Lauren Renschler of EAG Sports Management. ‘I'm excited to return to the Washington Redskins and continue to be part of this great organization,' the statement read. ‘I look forward to putting the suspension behind me, returning to the field and helping my team.' EAG Sports didn't disclose the reason for Buchanon's suspension either." [Washington Post]
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to firstname.lastname@example.org.