Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 15, the day we finally learned how to be a future super jock. Video via CBSSports.com. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

This Evening: A Taiwanese Kid Steals The Ball From LeBron James And Dunks On Him

What we're watching (all times EDT, unless noted): Two options, and they're pretty simple: Baseball on ESPN2, with Giants-Braves at 7. And football on ESPN, with Jets-Texans at 8.

Read Me

This is just sad — and strange: "But this was not the man he had known. The man who had served in the White House for almost 50 years, under every president from Kennedy to Obama. The man who read and catalogued many of the documents that flow through the Oval Office: memos to the president, letters, pieces of legislation, nomination packets, even classified material that required him to have a security clearance. This man was inexplicably living in squalor, seemingly without electricity or running water, and hiding under a hooded overcoat and multiple layers of clothing no matter how hot it got." [Washington Post]

This Date In Deadspin History

Aug. 15, 2007: You Can't Tell, But Howie Long Is Erect

Things You Might Have Missed Today

Some quick links to a few items we posted earlier:
A Definitive Taxonomy Of Pro Wrestling Gimmicks
Watch As A Rockies Coach Gets Drilled In The Face While Bobby Valentine Talks
A Gaggle Of Clever Sportswriters Is Starting A Long-Form Web Concern
Monday Morning NASCAR Is The Best NASCAR
"Bunny Fucking, "Cockbrisket," And Serial Commas: A Copy Editor's Guide To Nicholson Baker's Filthy New Book
Logan Morrison Was Demoted Because Wes Helms Is A Super Secret Double Agent Mole: A Theory

Elsewhere

Sidney Crosby is still a head case: "The occasional recurrence of concussion symptoms has not forced Penguins superstar center Sidney Crosby to "shut down" his offseason training, general manager Ray Shero said late Sunday. ‘There are going to be some symptoms with this injury, but nothing where he's had to shut it down or anything," Shero said, noting that he was in contact with Crosby over the weekend. "He's pushed himself, which is good.'" [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]

Well, that went well: "This brings an end to Maybin's brief and abysmal Bills career before its third season even began. Signed to a five-year deal that guaranteed him $15 million in August 2009, Maybin finishes his Bills career with 24 tackles and zero sacks." [Buffalo Rumblings]

The trouble with that Jay Z-Kanye collaboration: "Naturally, it revels in the narcissistic tropes of hip-hop hedonism; that's what Kanye and Jay-Z do. For that, I give them some credit, actually. This work, absorbed with the gratifications of extravagant wealth and sexual exploitation, feels honest; it comes off as true to its makers' experience and values, however dubious the listener may find them (and I find them abhorrent). I consider this music defensible in principle, in that it seems a genuine expression of its makers' vile attitudes. It's legitimately contemptible. Its terminal problem is aesthetic, rather than ethical; Watch the Throne is boring, the sound of two men who have been lounging in the VIP room, taking in unspeakable indulgences, for much too long." [The New Republic]

Thailand Chewing Gum Commerical Interlude:

This could take a while: "Indications are there's another big stumbling block out there, and that's deciding exactly what Johnson is worth. Johnson has said he wants at least $30 million in guaranteed money, and that's significantly more than what Panthers running back DeAngelo Williams got in his recent deal. He received $21 million in guarantees. The $30 million is more than Steven Jackson got from the Rams – he received $20 million in bonuses with his deal in 2008." [The Tennessean]

The Warriors make necessary, non-lockout-related layoffs: "This business overhaul has always been a part of the new owners' plan for the franchise — it just happened to coincide with the lockout because they didn't take over the team until shortly before the start of last season. It's likely that if the league had ratified their purchase early last summer we would have seen this happen last August. Lacob and Guber want to bring the team into an era with few ties to the Chris Cohan regime, so they made a move in a new direction." [Ball Don't Lie]

Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future here, and Magary's The Postmortal here. Now do it.

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