As far as we know, Shaquille O'Neal—divorced a few years back—is happy with his comically out-of-proportion lover, Nicole "Hoopz" Alexander.
But once upon a time (November 2008, shortly after Shaq and Shaunie O'Neal attempted to reconcile), the Diesel was shopping for a new lady. According to emails uncovered by the Miami New Times—they're part of a weird civil suit against Shaq—"shopping" is most assuredly the right word. He's picky as hell.
Newsweek/Daily Beast senior writer Allison Samuels was trying to set Shaq up with model Sessilee Lopez, a very attractive young lass. (Lopez is at far left in the photo.) Lopez was 19 at the time. But Diesel wasn't having any of it:
Shaq: Sesslie aintdat fine whts robins last name
Samuels: You are so wrong! Robinne Lee_she's on Tyler Perry's show sometimes. Do you know Lauren London_I don't_but I know James Lassiter knows how to reach her. You ever dealt with her_is she cool? Sharon Leal??
Robinne Lee, who, yes, is on Tyler Perry's show sometimes, is second from the right in the above image. Sharon Leal, who has also appeared in several Tyler Perry productions, is at far right. They are both quite fetching, and in a warmer way than Lopez.
But Shaq won't have any of that, either!
Shaq: Loren is d wade's girl im not wrong sesslie aint my type u r
Samuels: What about Gabrielle and Dwyane?
Shaq: He gottem all I want u or rihanna
Samuels: Rihanna is too young_19— she is just legal and you know I'm very chatty and you said you didn't like that!!!!!
Samuels, the reporter, decided not to do much reporting, evidently, since Lopez was also 19 when Samuels was trying to set her up with Shaq. Never mind that we think Rihanna could do better than Shaq, with, you know, chocolate penises.
Damn it, Shaq! Settle! By 2008, you were doing that nightly on the court.