Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 26, the day we learned vodka and sugar can save flowers. Video via Hickey's favorite governor. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

This Evening: "Get The Hell Off The Beach"

What we're watching (all times EDT, unless noted): There's Champions Tour golf, with the Boeing Classic on the Golf Channel at 6:30. There's NASCAR's Nationwide Series race on ESPN at 7:30. There's Packers-Colts in an NFL preseason game on CBS at 8. Baseball-wise, there's Angels-Rangers or Pirates-Cardinals on MLB Network, or Cubs-Brewers on WGN; all begin at 8. There's Hamilton-Winnipeg in a Canadian Football League game on NFL Network at 8. There's San Antonio-Minnesota in a WNBA game on NBATV at 8. High school football? Armwood (Fla.)-Bishop Gorman (Nev.) on ESPN2 at 9. And golf's LPGA Canadian Women's Open is being tape-delayed on the Golf Channel at midnight.

Read Me

Jim Thome's return to Cleveland is just the right occasion to return to this: "But the real geniuses of failure in Cleveland were the Indians. In the twenty-four seasons (1969 to 1983) of original American League East play, the Indians finished above fifth place (out of seven teams) just four times. All four of those finishes were fourth place. The team played in the cavernous Municipal Stadium, a rotting prison hulk of a ballpark that had a capacity in the mid-70,000s, but usually hosted crowds in the mid-7,000s. The Tribe's big stars in the late 1980s were non-legends like Brett Butler, Cory Snyder, Joe Carter (before the World Series walk-off), Brook Jacoby, Tom Candiotti and Gregg Swindell. When even those B+ talents proved too rich for Cleveland, things got ugly. In 1991, the Indians posted a guttural 57-105 mark, the worst in team history. Jim Thome made his major-league debut on September 4 of that season. So where am I going? What does ruin porn have to do with Jim Thome? Jim Thome is ruin porn." [Pitchers & Poets]

This Date In Deadspin History

Aug. 26, 2009: Lock Up Your Bike Racks: Deadspin Goes To Bristol

Things You Might Have Missed Today

Some quick links to a few items we posted earlier:
Are Rugby Brawls More Spectacular Than American Throwdowns?
The 2011 Hater's Guide To Fantasy Football (NFC)
Ravens Rookie Breaks Up Knife Fight At Five Guys Burgers, West Coasters Say In-N-Out Knife Fights Are Better
Bruce Pearl Hosts BBQ To Address NCAA Sanctions For BBQ He Once Hosted
The Longhorn Network Launches Today, and Nobody Can Watch It

Elsewhere

Is this the beginning of the end for ESPN?: "Yes, ESPN has good shows — Pardon the Interruption, SportsNation, even SportsCenter, but how many of them are must watches for you? And what I mean by must watch is, you're excited when you turn on your DVR and see that a new program is in your lineup. The same feeling that I would get for Friday Night Lights or Curb Your Enthusiasm or Lost. The same feeling that you get for your own favorite shows. Be honest, there aren't any, are there? In fact, ESPN doesn't have a single regular program that your average sports fan even records and watches on his or her DVR. Therein lies the problem. It's already starting, but at some point in the next decade and beyond the leagues aren't going to partner with ESPN any longer. At least not in the way that they are now, with their biggest games as showpieces on the network's properties. And once ESPN doesn't have the games, who is going to watch the network?" [Outkick the Coverage]

How to tweet away a scholarship: "Gardner fired off several tweets soon after Stansbury revealed Thursday that the freshman guard would redshirt this season. Gardner's mother, Angela, said she was upset to hear the news in a television report Thursday evening. Stansbury and an assistant coach were scheduled to meet with her next week to discuss Gardner's future, she said." [clarionledger.com]

Wanna bet? No, really: We're partnering with the crew at WhoBet, where we'll place bets with you in this space from time to time. There's no real money involved, but you might want to participate anyway, just for fun. The next bet, which we'll be repeating here every few days or so until the start of the NFL's regular season, is below. Check it out.

He still probably earned more at Ohio State: "Quarterback Terrelle Pryor signed a four-year contract with the Oakland Raiders on Thursday, three days after being picked in the third round of the NFL supplemental draft.The Raiders announced the signing late Thursday night and said Pryor would take the field for his first NFL practice on Friday." [ESPN]

Why would anyone want Tiger Woods on their team?: "You can blame Couples for the pick, or all the corporate pandering to have Woods on the team so that ratings skyrocket and people care again, but I can't agree with making this announcement now, and really can't agree with having him on the squad if you really wanted to board your best team on that chartered jet in three months." [Devil Ball Golf]

The Vikings get a new roof under which to play: "More than eight months after the Metrodome ceiling partially collapsed during a heavy snowstorm, the Vikings will be in action at Mall of America Field. They host the Dallas Cowboys on Saturday night in a preseason game." [Yahoo]

Your Kenyan Condom Commerical Interlude:

We are all Dave McKenna CCIII: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "The Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel lawsuit gets left outside in a hurricane.

Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future here, and Magary's The Postmortal here. Now do it.

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