David Bennett, head coach of the football team at Coastal Carolina, relayed a message for his team in a press conference on Wednesday. We've transcribed it below so that you can more clearly follow his logic:
Tryin' to get our two boys ready to carry 'em to the golf tournament 'fore practice, right? Twelve cats live 'cross the road. Our door's open. Screen's broke—we need to get a new screen door—but the screen's broke, so you can come in through the screen but you can't get back out of it. I turn'n look; there's a little kitty cat in our—in our kitchen.
So I said, "What're you doin' in here, little kitty cat?" By that time, [indecipherable cat noise], the cat turns, tries to get back out, but the screen won't go that way. Cat starts goin' "MEEOOOOW!" All crazy! And I told our players: we need to have more dogs. Beau's barkin' in the back, I have to go shut Beau up, Mel's like, "What's goin' on?" I say, "There's a cat in the house." "Cat in the house?!?" I said, "Yeah, there's a cat in the house!"
So I told our players, I tried to let it out the front door—"MEEEOOOW!"—the cat's still goin' crazy in there. And I told our players: you need to be more like a dog! We don't need a bunch of cats in here—"meeeooow!"—lookin' in the mirror. "I look gooooood, I got my extra bands on, I got my other shoes"—Be a dog! We don't need no meows, we don't need no cats. We need more dogs.
We came so close to another iconic closing line: "And don't forget, men! Today's the day we're going to be less cat-like!"